Thank you for telling us about yourself and your feelings. Many of us here have felt the same way that you feel and have done some of the same things. And there is more to do to help you figure yourself out. And it should be through counseling with a professional therapist that is experienced with gender issues. As has been said, this will give you the best outcome for helping you discover who you are. It’s how I was able to work through some of my issues and it can help you as well. I know it would be best to do this face to face in an office for the best outcome. And I understand this type of meeting is a big concern of yours. But it would work the best. You can work up to it on your own time line. Telling us here about yourself can be seen as a good first step. If there is a gender clinic in your area or a hospital that has a gender department, they could provide a reference to a helpful therapist. You might be able to work through some of your concerns by way of the phone at first and then go to in person meetings from there. It’s something only you can do and work through. This is a journey that doesn’t happen overnite. Many of us here have been through some of the same things. And you can too!
We here at Transgender Heaven wish you the best and would love to hear of your progress and other concerns. So please check back in once in a while. Thank you for sharing! Steffanie