Leaving the past is a challenge for me. In the past are the beginnings of all the relationships that in the now have deep and significant meaning for me.
At this point in my journey I am non-transitioning. It is those many relationships all with roots deep in the past that my deciding to live authentically would disturb. I am not yet ready to cause such disturbance.
Perhaps that will change. Only recently have I cleared the hurdle of embracing my own womanhood, i.e. I long to be a woman because at my soul level I am a woman. Successfully clearing that hurdle, I am much more aware that the journey before me seems less impossible than ever before. The mindset of the past with the nagging question , “how can I do this?” is slowly being replaced with the consideration, “Let me figure out how I can do this.”
But it is not yet come to the point where I can positively affirm, “The past not withstanding, I must do this.” My heart beats with excitement when I read of Lauren’s experience that in spending time with other woman she was, “just one of the girls,” and that . “We talked and laughed and shared stories and they told me “…we just look at you as a woman, that’s who you are now.” Oh my, nothing quickens my pulse more than the reality of just being accepted as a woman among cis women.
Thanks for sharing Lauren (& other ladies). This is why I am spending more than just lurking time here at TGH. I am expecting that this atmosphere will help me finally come to the place where I can forget the past in order to just “be one of the girls” or “at my age, one of the women.” And that’s OK by me because I would then be authentic.