Some of my earliest memories are of dressing. Growing up in the early 1970s, I knew that I felt like a girl but of course I had no concept of sexuality or gender; it was a very confusing time.
I guess that’s true of many of us on here, MTF and FTM alike.
However, I’ve always been Ellie, even though the world knows me by another name.
When I got older I began to come to terms with who I was. Finally hearing the word ‘transgender’, and realising that it applied to me, was an important moment. During my adult life I’ve never felt any guilt or shame about it. After all … why should I? This is who I am, and I’m very happy being me 🙂
Okay … I’d accepted myself.
I started to wonder whether others might accept me as well.
Also, I was exhausted by all the hiding 🙂
So, I came out to my Mum and one of my sisters. There’s always a risk with that; no matter how well you know someone, you’re never 100% certain how they’re going to react. It’s a terrifying thing to do. I was lucky, and both have welcomed the ‘new me’ with open arms.
Amy … I’m wondering whether it might be an idea to raise your crossdressing with your wife and have a proper conversation. I know that you said that she struggled with the discovery of you in knickers. Looking ahead though, you ARE going to get caught again eventually … and then she’ll have to deal with the thought that you deliberately lied to her as well as dealing with the crossdressing. That will make it infinitely worse. She’ll start wondering what else you might have lied about, and her imagination will take over. You could nip that in the bud with a well-timed conversation now. After all, she already knows about the knickers …
Or, of course, don’t! Only you can judge your own situation and you don’t need uninvited idiots like me wading in and offering unsolicited advice.
I hope you figure everything out 🙂