Reply To: She said I was pretty!

#3034
 Anonymous

Oh dear I am so sorry. In trying to keep my own changes upbeat I pray I never come across as unaware or uncaring of others. If I did dear Chloe I am sorry in ways words can’t say.

At this point I am trying to be joyous as the dour suicidal thing I had become was so toxic to all around me. I have not fully opened up about the extent of how completelyI have tried to kill him off and to what purpose. But I know she knows I am throwing off the things which are hurting me. She has known I am rejecting and I have hated my own toxicity and it’s effects on her. And everyone. And as I have begun skin care and a serious uptick in manscaping and appearance in more feminized manner. I know she knows and I know her complement  was as much her adjusting as it was for me.  Hope is she realizes it has been MariaBella she has been in love with not “him” and our lives will be better without him. Even if our outward appearance as a couple changes drastically for the area we are in

honestly I fear coming out here in this town more than at home. it it red meat  evangelical republican  and my Portugese name  is itself a red flag and I may stay closeted publically save some close friends I hope to keep due to there support of the LBGTQ community. Not forever though Chloe.

I was afraid and wasted so many years behind a mask of a grand performance called “ I am a man”  when my own life has found its balance again I will be working with the local support groups to hopefully be there for others

i am sorry my post raked old wounds dear heart. And I will temper my enthusiasm as I have been like  a giddy girl (I am) but I am also a caring human and hurting people is everything I am trying to cast aside as Maria

thank you for your post Chloe it shook some of the Pink Fog out of my eyes

bless you honey, Maria

 

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