Reply To: Looking for advice/experiences for partners

Jesse Harris


I transitioned over 30 years ago. I’m FtM and retain my lesbian identity. My relationships over the years have all been lesbian because sexual orientation doesn’t change with transitioning. I have some input to consider-

When a person transitions, relationships will ultimately shift. The shifts show up as changing “gender roles” for some married folks. Another  shift is orientation.

If a female bodied person is a married heterosexual prior to transition, their partner defaults to being perceived as a gay man publicly, and may have serious issues with being identified as such.

I have several dear friends who are MtF and were married heterosexuals, with adult children, prior to transition. Their relationships suffered because their “gender roles” changed within the marriage. Additionally, their wives didn’t want to be perceived as lesbian in public or otherwise.

My very dearest friend was ostracized from her grandchildren because her adult children wouldn’t allow contact with them as their grandmother. My friend had to detransition 22 years after transitioning in order to see them, and even that is very difficult.

In my case, my relationships deteriorated because my lesbian partner(s) did not want to be perceived as heterosexual.

Just a few things, among the many, to ponder.

2 users thanked author for this post.

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