Hi Winter, I love that name💜. I too am an older girl just starting the “process” in fact just had the heart to heart with my partner about it last night. I have been dressed and dressed myself since a child but society made me act my plumbing in public. But since as child when my mom took me over to her friends house with a daughter my age and dressed us as sisters, the moment the lipstick touched my lips at about four or five yrs old I knew I loved it. Sneaking in the bath and trying on the old corals and red of my sixties childhood the wiping clean and playing football. The years of abuse by a pedophilic stepfather cementing my deep inner hate of my plumbing because of what he was doing to me with his and my general dislike of men( yeah self hate is a bad thing) . He leaves and this is where Maria is born. In outfits of a seventies cocktail waitress I dressed. In gaudy eyes and lips I dressed. And one day I was caught by my brother. He was molested too but is fully cis-male and was dealing differently than me so he outed me to my school friends in high school and to my mom. This precipitated social ostacization beyond being just the odd kid. I was the faggot , the sissy. Around this time my mother told her girlfriends about me. This started a situation in which two of her girlfriends were having sex and decided to include a pretty boy with long auburn locks and a set face. I was feminized fully and was a eager player of their games. When their affair ended so did much of the fun. One of the women carried on with me for a few more months but she moved away and I again fell into playing a role of male. It was while rooming with buddies I met wife one and did the whole man thing so poorly that by the time I figured it out she shitcanned me for being “femmy” the divorce was ugly and left scars deep in me. So I began a double life of being macho dude at work and in full makeup and clothes after my son was in bed. I was at this point and lonely when my beloved came along. She was NOT what I was used to being attracted to she wears little makeup and had a girlfriend before we met. We began our lives together in traditional roles. But that changed over time and children as my nurturing girl would not be suppressed with my kids. Dressing stopped but Maria lived behind the scenes through parenthood and the small farm we nurtured. Fast forward through a terrible time to be touched later to several yrs of the resentful “he” could no longer express except in unhealthy ways. All the charades I used were stripped by poor health to the point the “man” was ready to kill himself rather than reach the obvious place of chasing everyone away. This is when “he” died. Granted his zombie hung around so long his stink had me ready to die. But Maria stepped in and said NO. Live your truth honey! This has been a bit over two months ago and Maria is running my show. My love sees me and loves who she sees again. And after last nights talk I know my world will never be that dark mask again.
Oh dear god I am vomiting my heart out right now. I need to cry in joy and anticipation of a fresh new life as the lesbianoid human I have ALWAYS been.
Oh dear! Need to shower and get ready to get my hair did and chat up the salon owner about learning cosmetics
Ciao for now loves 💋💄💜