Hello Alison and welcome to the site. Your story is of course sad and uplifting all at the same time. We all have dealt with being who we are in different ways, some as you have done rebelled and found other outlets for inner turmoil, some have gone super manly or feminine in attempt to hide or stamp it out, some have become reclusive’s hiding from them selfs and the world and list goes on and on. You remind me of the Chinese General who after sending many soldiers to their deaths in battle and committed many war crimes. Thought his soul was done for, until he became a devoted Buddhist who spent the rest of his days helping people. Your road won’t be easy as you know what inner demons your carry, we all have them btw. And my hat is off to you for turning around and helping even if the beginning was not so pleasant.
PS. Angels cry too, we are here for you when you need that too.