Self-imposed exploitation of my feelings, desires, and dreams, knowing how alone I’ve lived, unexplained, unexplored, unfamiliar to my family and friends. Living in fear, dreading each day, waking to a nightmare, a surreal and tormented hallucination. The secret tribulation of my life, all my born days from the cradle, life descending, perilously spiraling every moment and every moment between moments, to my final resting place.
I am going to do this by section on how I relate to what you wrote Gina. This post was really enlightening and I hope others will share their lives like you have.
This was my first 35 years of life. So much about me was hidden to the world to protect myself and what image I was trying to project. The feelings that I thought a man shouldn’t have, dreams of being someone that is not reflected in the mirror, the loneliness of not be able to be around anyone but myself in my mind in a dream that is not shared with anyone but me, myself and I. The high point of my life was birth and life only went down hill until that moment of spiritual death of the mask I worked so hard to make.
Thank you Gina, Ill have to do the next section later, after I unlock some more of what it means to me. Your writing really makes me think. And thank you for posting it here.