Reply To: Coming out (finally!)

Sophie Bourne


Thank you for the bravery of sharing your story. I know what you did was very hard, surviving in this world is a difficult experience and at times you have to do the hard things.

The part in your story about visiting your grandparents really struck a cord with me. That is what I live with everyday. My Dad has dementia so I can’t dress as myself in my own house. My wife and I moved in to help with my Dad and 3 months later I had a revelation that I am Elizka.

Aging family with memory problems come with their own host of emotional qanderies for their families even without adding a trans persons emotional needs to the mix. In the community who else has experienced this? How has it made you feel? What solutions have you come up with?


My answers:

Have you been in the company of a family member with memory issues while transitioning?

Yes, I live with my Dad who has FTD Dimentia (early onset, can’t be slowed or revered)


has it made you feel?

Every day is a lie. I have to hide it all the time almost.


What solutions have you come up with?

I work from home so I made my office my safe girly place. Pink lights, space themed, totally awesome. It’s a place dad never goes. I use this chance to dress as much as me as I can, and when I walk away from the office I either have on clothes that can pass as male or have male clothes ontop of my correct clothing. It’s not perfect, but it’s how I need to cope for now.

Thank you for your sympathy Elizka, and for sharing your story too. I’d love to be friends with you and accepted the request.

I am so sorry for your Dad, and for the pain his situation causes you too. I think you are an amazing woman to be this caring and sensitive to his needs.

Unisex clothing outside your office sounds OK… after all, this is what many cis-women wear most of the time. Perhaps you could also style your hair in a way which puts you just on the femme side of the male/female divide… but since your Dad is used to seeing a son, he’ll continue to see that (even if you don’t).

It’s not great I know, but perhaps would make you a bit happier in yourself xx

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