Reply To: Hi there everyone

#82019
Stephanie Kennedy
Participant

SILVER
  1. Hi Stacy Ann May. It is horrible how we have treated ourselves .I would think about hurting or treating anyone like we have treated our selves. The lying, denial ,self loathing and shame we cast upon ourselves simply because we came to understand that dressing or feeling like a girl was wrong at a very young age. I was able to enjoy experimenting with my feminine feelings when i was a teenager but ended when i went into denial and shame due to trama i experienced. I again was able to come out when i joined a private club for CD’s and transexuals. That ended with so much denial and shame even though my wife accepted it. I could not accept it. I went to a psychiatrist and told her i had anxiety all the time and depression sometimes I did not tell her about my secret. She gave me meds that did not allow any feelings. Some how i performed and was some what succesful but just not happy. I was just a miserable. It was not until I was in my sixties when I decided to confront those feelings. I found a therapist and at the same time came upon CDH some how last year. I decided to leave my therapist when she told me the reason i felt this way is because i was a woman and my feelings were normal for alot of woman. She told me she wanted me to start with voice therapy. I could not handle it. I stayed with CDH. and learned alot about myself. I have so much in common with a lot of the woman I loved dressing in cute and pretty outfits I loved the feeling i got like so many of the woman. I found out I just wanted a little more. I wanted that feeling all the time. That wonderful feeling of being free and happy It was not about the clothes any more it was about me finally accepting who i am. I am that woman in the mirror. I just not as pretty as i want to be. That will come in time. Sorry, I read your story and i understood because i was there. Good luck Stacy Ann May. I know you will get to where you are going. Stay the course luv Stephanie
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