Hi Tiffany, I relate to this so much. I’ve lived half my life in the wrong body, and can’t bear the thought of living the other half like this as well. But still “all about me”.
I’m struck my the number of trans women I’ve talked to (here and elsewheee) who have become loving, selfless carers, and then find themselves trapped by their love. Feeling utterly selfish if they transition; feeling utterly miserable if they don’t.
Perhaps the only way out is to tell our loved ones exactly how we feel, and beg for their help. It’s another sort of validation really. But what I’d love to hear from my children and my friends is something like this. “It is your life. Do what you need to be happy; we’ll cope. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be yourself, let alone ours. But you do have our blessing”.
That would make me feel better I think.