Reply To: What age did you know you were transgender?

Carly Holloway


I was way too young to know how old I was when I knew.  For as long as i can remember, I knew I wasn’t put together right.  Of course, I had no words or context that could help me understand what was “wrong”, until some years later.  I was caught and shamed frequently by my  parents for wearing my sister’s clothes, and that drove me deep underground, and I internalized their rejection as being a “badness” within my character.

It was not until my late teens when I heard about Virginia Prince and Christine Jorgensen, and I began to understand the situation.  Of course, adolescence led to sexualizing the dressing up, and brief bouts of pleasure followed by guilt and shame.  About age 30, I began to explore my real self in Northern California and the Bay area.  Hormone treatment was rare and extremely expensive;   not an option at the time.

After some years of this, followed by almost 2 decades of increasing addiction issues, I moved to my current location in Oklahoma.  I put aside all TG activities when I met my SO and raised a wonderful family.  I was happy to do so, but also was conflicted because I knew I was not being my true self.  Still, I kept my commitment with her and in hindsight, I am glad I did.

When she was stricken with terminal cancer, she was wonderful enough to let me know that she knew I was not completely happy, and that she expected me to live the life I needed to live.  I slowly began to, but respected her wish not to be part of it.  Now, I am on the way home to the life I should have been born into.

So in answer to the main question, I have always known that I am Carly.

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