It’s a complex area. In hindsight, I feel my pursuit of women in my 20’s was more a desire to be close to a woman as it was as close as I could get to being a woman.
In my teen and early 20’s I was”gay”, although in hindsight, I believe this to be the straight woman in me.
Now, after 20 years of marriage to my wife, with the repressed memories in the stark light of day and being on HRT, feeling more physically feminine every day, and allowing myself to relax mentally into being the woman inside, allowing her to exist and breathe and be free a little more each morning, I find this process of relaxing into myself enables me to accept that I would be happier with a man who wants me as the woman I am becoming.
Although… Who knows if I will ever get a chance. This in itself makes me feel more feminine as I now want to be the object of a man’s desire and that means: exercise, diet, nice clothes and all those other things, some pleasurable (like clothes and cosmetics) others a pain in the behind (diet and exercise). However, I am focused on getting as close to the body I want for myself, and as that progresses and my confidence grows… Who knows what the future holds. But yes, I think I was always a straight woman, but the years of psychological rubble from acting as a man, from confusion, repressed memories, fear and all the rest of the baggage just stopped me from knowing myself properly.
When I start to get unsolicited dick pics (unwanted though they may be) I will absolutely start smiling to myself about how far I have come.
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