This is something that we all go through, and it IS difficult. Having a wife, kids and career/job make it even more so.
In reading your post, it seems like your wife has an idea of what is going on. It’s easy to put issues on the shelf when both of you are busy making and raising a family. I’m an old gal, kids are grown with their own kids, it makes it easier for me now.
I will tell you from personal experience that keeping secrets from your spouse doesn’t work out well. I am fortunate to have a wonderful wife, ( 3rd marriage), who knows about Heather and is somewhat comfortable with discussing HRT. I suggest sitting down with your wife at some point, and being honest with her. The children are a separate issue, but your wife’s input is crucial.
After years of dealing with gender dysphoria, I have finally found a therapist that specializes in this area, and I have found relief in being able to share my feelings with a professional and actually get some insight and advice.
This weekend I found a documentary on YouTube that I really found fascinating and could really relate to, which I watched with my wife. Look up The Gender Code on YouTube. This really explains where people fall on the gender spectrum. I suggest watching it with your wife, which may be a great opening to talk about your feelings.
Wishing you the best,