I am truly sorry to hear how much pain you’re in. It cannot be easy, just know that this community is full of great people. Talking will help. I am not qualified to give a deep level of advice, however life is made up of little choices, and don’t ignore the butterflies…those are the memory makers (quote from Brian Reagan). If you follow your heart and be true to yourself, you will be okay. I know its tough when you’re young, and it’s tough when you’re a bit older too…I am going through feeling of questioning my gender constantly…but as long long as you keep making little decision after little decision and taking one day at a time and finding people to talk to, you will feel better about being you, whichever gender that may be. Hope that helps.