Reply To: The Things that Help Make Us Feel “Real”



I think this is a great topic, Shawna. 🙂

Some affirming things that have meant a lot to me:

  • Running errands in female mode
  • Having friends I met in female mode and who know me primarily as a woman (even though they’re aware I’m trans/bi-gender)
  • This is a little silly, but I have a different cell phone case I use in female mode. It’s definitely more femme than my usual androgynous one, and it has a cover, which keeps my phone from getting scratched in my purse. (I also love carrying my purse.)
  • Legal name change! Especially realizing that no, nobody will stop me from changing my name to whatever I want!
  • Getting my gender updated on my driver’s license!
  • Of course, wearing clothes that fit my sense of female style
  • Attending trans-centric events (the main one I’ve gone to that I’ve enjoyed is First Event in Boston every Feb/Mar)
  • Shopping
  • Dating as a woman (easier said than done, and it would probably be a bad idea for me to put too much importance on whether someone would be willing to date me in female mode, but still was really positive for me before I got into a new, long-term relationship–with someone who is supportive of my gender identity, I hasten to add!)
  • Swing dancing follow en femme, especially since I love swing era style!

One thing that I feel would be very affirming to me is being invited to a non-trans-centric, women-only event or space. This has happened to me only once so far, and then I was deeply disappointed when the event had to be cancelled due to weather. If anyone has suggestions on how to encourage invitations to that kind of situation without pushing myself on a bunch of cis women who may or may not want me there, I’m all ears! The one thing I can think of that I’d like to do once the pandemic is over is see about attending women-only events through my local Pride center, where I know they’re supportive of trans women.


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