Hello
After I came out to my family I was supported by my kids, 19 and 21 but not by my wife. We continued to try to work things out for 3 1/2 years. I constantly felt trapped. She constantly wanted me to compromise which I was willing to do. Unfortunately, her idea of compromise was for me to dress as a female in my room where she could not see me. It never did get as bad for me as it seems it was for you.
I frequently told her that I could not go backwards with my transition. None of this could be put back into the box. Without HRT and transitioning gender dysphoria does not reduce in frequency and severity. Finally after 3 1/2 years she accepted that I was only going forward and we are divorcing, which is actually a good thing for both of us. I can have freedom to live as myself and she can not feel trapped herself in her house by having to see her husband as female.
Feeling trapped with no hope of the dysphoria decreasing is the quickest way to fall into depression and possibly do something to hurt ourselves. If that were to happen it helps no one. You have to take care of yourself and hopefully others will support you after some time. First thing that you should do if you have not done so already is to develop some local trans friends that can help you along your journey. It is not always easy because we usually want to blend in and not standout in public. But you can try to find others by asking on this site and other trans social media outlets. Good luck and we are always here.
-44x44.jpeg){kind=small}
