While I hate to beat a dead horse, I agree with several of the comments above… every relationship is unique, just as the people are that make up the relationship. While I have had transgender dreams / fantasies / thoughts since at least my teenage years, I only recently (within the past year) identified them as what they were with the help of a therapist. Unfortunately, like Jamie, my wife has NO interest coming along for the ride. She wants me to be happy, and we will remain friends (as we have two small kids), but she is not attracted to women…
All attempts to bring your SO along for the ride are worthwhile, and some succeed… it all depends on the person.