The way it sits is this. Gay men, lesbians, bisexuals and transpeople have only 2 possibilities.
- We can recognize who we are and live accordingly, dealing with all of the ups and downs
- We can live a lie
The problem with living a lie is that it takes a lot of time and effort to keep the lie in place. Remember that it is internal (lying to yourself) and external (presenting that lie to the outside world).
I have some experience with this as for many years I avoided attention so that people didn’t ask embarrassing questions. What I eventually figured out was that there was a toll paid in terms of my relationship with my first wife, my kids and my career. As all that has passed, there is nothing I can do to fix it. I can only live with my mistakes and try to learn from them.
One thing about coming out is that I no longer have to support the lie, put effort into keeping it afloat and worrying about being found out. Our time here is finite, as is our energy. It is much better to put that energy towards something positive and not into doubt and worry…