I’m not entirely sure i will ever reach complete and genuine self acceptance of myself as transgender. Or perhaps I have accepted that I am not likely to feel fully comfortable and settled in my gender identity.
There are days when I almost convince myself that its all a delusion driven by some long buried emotional trauma…simply a manifestation of an behavioral health problem. But, those days are usually the ones most darkened by periodic bouts of depression.
I’ve only recently come to recognize that on emotionally brighter days, I don’t worry so much about my legitimacy, and don’t feel obliged to fit into any category. This comes as something of a revelation. I have not been using the expression of a feminine gender identity as means of escaping these bouts of depression. Rather, the ability to accept and express my feminine side returns as my mood improves.
Kinda turns my whole perspective on its head.