This will be short not because I can’t be bothered to reply but purely because I’ve had a long day and didn’t think it right to read this and not reply in anyway at all. I’m sorry but work is killing me lately.
I feel your pain and truly hope that this site will give you some of the needed information you need. I also think you need to talk to someone more in depth about your situation as your reply leaves more open questions than it gives reply’s to. I don’t mean to sound harsh in any way at all, trust me Id need a map and GPS to find Narnia. there is help here, and lots of it.