Yeah I was called names like “dyke” and called “gay” (although I identify more with a straight male, but those people were too ignorant to even consider such a thing). One very painful event happened to me in my preteen years when I visited a nursing home as part of a church program, and a resident said I looked like a boy in a dress. I mean at the time I tried to look female but even when I try I still look very masculine.
A few years ago I lived as male as I possibly could with the limited resources I had at my disposal. Even then people gave me a sideways glance and I was very uncomfortable going to places where people knew my birth name and birth gender and thus would mistakenly refer to me in female pronouns even after revealing my preferred name and pronouns to them after months of knowing this.
Yes I do believe I should see a therapist but I wonder if this would in any way interfere with me getting things done for my physical health. That’s what worries me. Right now it’s hard also due to the holiday season and the pandemic, even though this will be telehealth. I’m waiting to be called back by one place.
I’ve only dated one person I met online before in my whole life in my early twenties when I presented myself as female. It felt so off, because I really wasn’t attracted to him at all. I think I really just wanted a friend. Anyways, it sounds like you’re on the right track, man. Feel free to PM me anytime.