I’m happy that you wandered in! From my observation, there are a number of people here who have been is situations similar to what you describe. You are not the first and you won’t be the last, unfortunately.
I don’t have anything to offer regarding whether or not you should come out. You are obviously much closer to the situation and the participants. However, I will talk a bit about the process. The main thing about coming out is that you get to tell YOUR story in the way that you would like it to be told. If you are outed, it is VERY hard to get the narrative back and continue on your own terms. The idea is to speak YOUR truth and not let anyone else try to do it for you. If that happens, what others may say is often driven by their lack of knowledge and prejudice. Ugly situation all around.
What your mother said is a typical reaction. Many people don’t understand that sex and gender are 2 different things. If that is not understood, it leads to the “Are you gay?” questions. Also, the question of seeking counseling often comes up. I didn’t know if there is much discussion about conversion therapy in the UK, but many here think it works. The thing is, it does not. You can’t change ones sexuality or gender identity because it is an inherent part of us.
Back in 2014, 9 founders and/or leaders of ex-gay organizations penned an open letter. You can find the letter here:
Sadly, conversion therapy has done more harm than good, as they point out. Anyway, as stated, one cannot change their gender identity or sexuality.
Finally, I encourage you to fill in more of your Profile page. It helps people to understand where you are in your journey and what you are struggling with. Further, it isn’t cast in stone. As things change, both + and -, feel free to update it…