Reply To: Coming to a place of self-acceptance?

[Boyce Coe]

I am still working on mine…not as much the dysphoria part, b/c I am on T and am privileged to have insurance that will cover my surgeries. However, for me it is the sexuality part. Many people say Testosterone affects your sexual preferences, and for some sexual attraction. I identified as a lesbian for a long time before I came out as trans, and was married to my wife for 15 years, and she was the only woman I had ever been with, but not the first woman I was ever attracted to. I had dated guys in the past growing up, but never had a sexual encounter with any of them (I was ultra religiously conservative way back in the day) nor did I ever desire to. In fact, I never even masterbated (not for religious reasons, I just was never interested in the concept of heterosexual sex (even a mentor of mine bought a vibrator for me to try when I was 18, and I still didn’t get the point…I was like and this is supposed to do what). However, now I know I am still attracted to women, but I do not know anymore if I really care what she has below the belt. The only male “freebee” I had while I was married was George Clooney…he is the only man I have ever found myself attracted to…even to this day. Probably way too much info, but for me it is the sexuality part that is keeping me from fully knowing myself, and it is hard for me to accept myself without having the sexuality part figured out. Plus, when I suffer from severe depression at times, it makes the concepts of increasing my degree of self-love and self-acceptance feel impossible and challenges the degrees I already have of each, in spite of the sexuality component.

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Josie Angel

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