I am presently a biological male (born male) who was engaged to be married to a biological female (woman). Sorry if that’s in any way offensive I’m trying not to be offensive.
Towards the end of our relationship, something I strived to make work the entire time, calling out to my creator every day for help, because I was severely abused as a child and teenager and it harmed my healthy development and understanding of myself and others, she said to me, “you don’t want me.”
I told her she was wrong, but my creator told me she was right. I was raised Christian and while I don’t deny my religion I am no longer religious, as following any set of laws. Because I was introduced to/ genetics I have struggled with unwanted same sex attraction issues my whole life. I was terrified I’d end up 60 years old married with 2-3 kids and end up telling my wife me and the pool boy are having an affair.
What was revealed to me was, the homosexuality (or bisexuality, I cannot deny the way women make me feel, if I’m honest, I love women) and the fact that I briefly considered changing my gender in high school, both still were affecting me, and was preventing me from giving my ex fiancee my full affections.
So, beings that prayer didn’t work, deliverance didn’t work, denying myself didn’t work, even dying and being saturated in the creators essence (which was pure love) didn’t work, I decided to stop fighting it and fully embrace it, and if the creator wills it, then having the surgery, if need be.
It’s taken me on a strange but wonderful journey of embracing myself, my brokenness as beautiful, embracing and loving my spirit rather than punishing it and forcing it down.
I’ve far from arrived by any means, but it’s beautiful to love and embrace yourself, rather than curse your own soul as deviant, wrong, weak and unworthy.
So anyway I guess this is my introduction. Thank you.
Such a story that is familiar to many of us honey.