Hello Amy and welcome to Transgender Heaven!
I am new here myself. Been here for about a month now. I think I kinda know how you feel. I want to transition with hrt and maybe even get surgery (though insurance won’t cover it here in the USA) but I am scared to because I am worried about what some of my family will think, especially my dad and a brother of mine whom I stay with. I do have a couple of aunts who are super supportive of this but they live in another state apart from where I stay.
I still want to but another barrier is getting scheduled somewhere that will take my insurance. I think I found a place but they were all booked up because of the past holidays and the pandemic situation. So I’m going to call them tomorrow and see where they’re at now. Even when I get the letter for hrt and everything, not sure I will be able to find an endocrinologist in my area that’s comfortable treating me with testosterone because of my current medical history.
I did find one in the past and I had a letter but I destroyed it out of shame and embarrassment of being trans (internalized transphobia). So this time I hope things will work in my favor and yours too! I don’t have any children and I am not married. So in that way, I think I will have less pressure than you do for transitioning. I would have went through it a few years ago because I did find an endocrinologist willing to treat me after struggling much to find one, but backed out of it due to giving in to a very strict religion I stopped following last month. For the first time in so long, I feel like I can breathe again!🙂 I have a suggestion for you: you could schedule an appointment with a gender therapist and take your wife (and kids too if that’s something you think would help them understand what you’re going through) with you to your first appointment at least.
That way they can get a better understanding of what it means to be transgender because from the sound of it, like many cis gender people, your wife seems to be uneducated on it as my dad was and still is. Not to sound discouraging but I had my dad go to a gender therapist appointment with me and he was not happy about what he heard there. Fast forward to the present, like your wife, him and my brother had totally blocked it all out. It’s really sad that a lot of us can’t even count on our own family for the support everybody needs. I think if your wife and kids really love and care about you, they will actually try to learn as much as they can about what you’re going through and help you as much as they can! Though you can’t really expect some children to understand these things, especially if you have a spouse who is against it in the first place and may easily influence them on the matter.