Before I was 14 there were times I enjoyed or joined in usually feminine gendered activities or stuff, but it was around one winter when I was 14 that I remember feeling envious of girls. I even lay awake one night literally praying to God to turn me into a girl in my sleep so I would wake up and be able to live life as a girl.
Because it didn’t happen, I got depressed and found things to distract me in life. A little bit of that feeling came out every year to 18 months but I lumped the feeling in with other things, other stressors. I continually felt disconnected from guy culture and felt worse for being held at a distance around girls, except the few brave and accepting souls that became my friends.
My friendships with guys were usually more or less comradery masked with common interest in the same activities, no real connection from their end.
My first year after graduating high school, one of my “friends” went as a drag queen for his Halloween costume (not a real drag queen, mind you) and I asked one of my other friends (a young woman) if I could dress up like a woman and we (a mutual lady friend of ours) could go on a “ladies’ night” out. Despite that idea being shot dead, I started to really feel something connecting with it all. By the time I reached 20, I was certain that some miracle was going to happen and I would be a woman (I seriously had no clue about the trans community at that time; very sheltered in 1999). But, even after getting a purposefully woman’s hair style done with my hair and dying it the same color as a gender-bending anime character in the hat tip to their ability to change into a woman at will, I was left to return to the cycle. But, before I knew what transgender or gender dysphoria was, I had an idea, just not a reality where anyone else felt like that.
Thank you all for welcoming me here!
Reply To: What age did you know you were transgender?
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