Hello Yami
Welcome! You have found a warm, supportive and friendly place where you can simply be you.
I knew from 1977 that I didn’t “fit” in my male body, that somehow I wasn’t happy being male. I couldn’t put my finger on it back then, I only knew I wanted to wear girls’ clothing and I did, in secret, whenever I could. Both parents rigorously suppressed my feminine desires, to the point where I was getting hurt and visits to hospital became necessary. I was never interested in chasing girls, I wanted to BE one but I didn’t dare tell anyone; I was too afraid of the repurcusions for that.
Eventually, aged 21 (1993), I bought my first lingerie set and black tights. I loved it.
Fast forward to 2017 and after my umpteenth nervous breakdown, I decided I couldn’t go on living a lie. I was going to live the rest of my life as my authentic self: Melanie, Woman. It will soon be my 4th Trannyversary. I feel like an actor who’s been playing a role in a long-running show. A male role that I didn’t audition for, never wanted but which had been forced on me by society and my parents. Well, that role has come to an end and I am trying to unlearn my lines, unlearn the bitter lessons I had been taught. But as a type-cast actor knows, my “stage name” = dead defunct male name, is still being used. My mum refuses to accept my new female persona, even though it’s the one that is the Real Me. We haven’t spoken since last October but I’m ok with that. I realised I don’t need her approval to exist; she has no control over me now, no say in how I live my life. It feels wonderful, getting dressed how I want to, deciding what lingerie, skirt and blouse or dress to wear.
I am pre-op, pre hormones and yes, it is a very long and hard road to travel but it’s upwards; out of the cold and darkness into the sunlight and warmth of womanhood. Remember, you don’t have to walk that path alone, not now you have found loving sisters here.
You have taken your first steps towards the authentic you; you have already made the biggest and hardest steps. It won’t be plain sailing, we all have set-backs along our route but we are here for you, every step of the way. You are amazing, please don’t forget that.
Love and hugs from Melanie xx
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