Absolutely. You put it perfectly. Those thoughts that I’m using this as a defense mechanism. I think about that from time to time. I think about my gender non conforming self and how happy I am when I apply my make-up, or put on that dress, or paint my nails. How mind consuming those action are. Those things while wonderful do not make me a woman.
I feel it is really important to look at my doubts. To honor those thoughts. To understand that is part of my process and willingness to be transparent, and to move forward in hopes of being my most true and authentic self. I do know that only through patiently building positive self regard will I fully accept the inner self that states regardless of how I look, what my feelings are, my truth is irrefutable and undeniably mine. I am content in that knowledge and acceptance, and that is what helps me to define my gender.