I agree. It does sound like you are in the middle of some difficult decisions. In this community, life-altering decisions are commonplace. Not that they are easy, but it is just the nature of the beast. The only thing that I would suggest is to find a therapist who is experienced with gender issues. A good therapist won’t tell you what to do, but they will help you to look at your life objectively and help you understand how things really sit for you. It is VERY difficult for us to that by ourselves. However, perhaps one of the most important things to know is that you are among friends and we’re happy that you found us.
Since you are in The City, I know that there are resources for the trans community. Getting involved with a support group can also be helpful.
Please finish filling out your Profile page when you have a chance. It is a great way for other members to understand your situation and how it is going.
You can also search for other NYC members by clicking on Social in the menu. Next click on Member Directory and that will put you at the search utility.