Reply To: Settling Into Our Lives…

DeeAnn Hopings

Sadly, there is a lot of unnecessary strife within the trans community. Unfortunately, what people don’t realize is that the energy that goes into backstabbing, dishonesty, jealousy and other BS could be put to much better use. In turn, that would mean that we would be further ahead, but it isn’t seen that way. Small wonder that we also have such a poor reputation outside of the community.

From my observation, I think that many trans women are even more sensitive about how they look than those assigned female at birth. Actually, instead of attitude, I would say presence and I liken this to Dolly Parton. When you see a photo of her next to other people, you realize that she is a pretty small person. However, when you see a photo of her without obvious reference points, she appears to be at least average size. The difference is personality and being able to establish your presence. While this is something noticeable, it is something that you can’t measure. It is either there or it isn’t.

I think the problem that some trans women have is being stuck between two worlds and not figuring out how to fit into the female realm. They think that visual attractiveness is all there is (which may be the result of male conditioning), but there is a lot more to it than that.

I have always maintained that in addition to physical and emotional transition, there is also social transition. We don’t often appreciate the fact that women function very differently in society and that we didn’t have mothers, aunts, grandmothers and big sisters to coach us along the way…

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