I understand where you are coming form and it is very frustrating on dealing with inner emotions .
You aren’t alone in your life journey , many here have been in the same place and I’m sure you don’t want to die .
The femm inside isn’t killing you , it’s the fear and negativity which is ruling right now . It’s human nature to feel loss for something which we find dear to our hearts , but sooner or later we have to let go so can flourish .
I have faced many loss’s in my life including loved ones . I have been hit a car three times , I survied cancer , rape survior , abused as child pyshical and sexually and I’m still here .
I hold my head up high with pride for who I’m not what I’m and I will continue the fight pressing forward continuing to develop my inner strength .
Talk with your loved ones , share how you are feeling inside and that you need their support to help you through this .