Much like you Vanessa, I sat in the parking lot of the Dr. I was seeing 20 years ago awaiting my first shot. While the results early were wonderful, I had to abandon the journey, as my emotional well being seemed at stake. My children, ex wife, brothers and sister, and parents, were struggling and I couldn’t deal with the guilt.
I don’t think I understood the emotional toll my decisions would have on my family and subsequently how their struggles affected my mindset at the time.
20 years later there is a bit of a difference. My children are all grown. Been separated from my ex for seven years, and I’ve slowly owned my non-binary self while my brothers and sister have understood this is who I am and who I’ll always be.
My journey restarted not with some unknown dr who secretly worked with the trans population in a back door office, but with my family physician. Together we are charting a course with the first stop my new endocrinologist, who works with a number of trans individuals through my insurance. Seven days from tomorrow is our first appointment with blood tests in hand. It feels right and I feel right and excited. Giddy that while older, I’m finally truly living fully who I was meant to be.
That is a glorious feeling!🌅
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