Hi, I’m new to all of this but I feel that I should share my limited experience as best as I can. I voted between 6-10, but realistically it is difficult to pinpoint. I remember always playing with the girls in my junior school days, making daisy chains on the school green with them and at this point I didn’t think anything of it. I was just doing what I was doing and that was it really. It was only after ALL the boys in my year group and beyond cooking up to me one by one and teasing me mercilessly about how wrong it was of me to be doing that.
‘You should be playing football with us, not this wussy stuff ‘
Eventually I gave in and joined the boys, I couldn’t take the harassment anymore. My teachers tried to reassure me that it was ok, but I wasn’t buying it. But I carried on anyway, and joined in with the boyish antics of the school yard and it never felt right. I didn’t fit in, no matter how hard I tried. But by this point it was all I knew, and so I carried on. All through high school it was the same. Teenagers have a nasty habit of picking up on the fact that someone is different (even if they don’t know what that difference is) and tormenting that person (me in this instance). Again, I had my little group of girl friends and that was the only thing that kept me same three those years. Throughout it all though, I knew someone was wrong…terribly wrong. But I couldn’t figure it out. After high school and into college, things went from bad to worst. I became nervous, anxious, just wanted to be alone all the time. That was until I meet to oddest group of people I have ever met. The self-proclaimed rejects of society. I seemed to fit here pretty well as it turned out, but the hurt inside didn’t go away. Eventually I found myself in the Alternative/Metal scene. It was the perfect outlet at the time. I channelled all my hurt, pain, sadness and suffering through the music. I think that that’s the only reason im still standing. But many years later (after a semi drink/ drug problem), the penny finally dropped, and this realisation bit me like a truck.
I’ve been back and forth in my mind of this for so long, that I don’t remember a time when I didn’t feel like there was something up. But I’m here now, taking things one day at a time.