Welcome to TGH.
My little soapbox: talk to a mental health professional…
This is a LOT to handle. I started cross-dressing in OCT 2019, but didn’t quite realize that I was transgender until I started counseling (~ JUN 2020). In addition to helping me understand my emotions and how much my gender has been repressed, counselling has helped me cope, the devastating effects it has had on my marriage, and generally learning how to love me for who I am (which is still very much a work in progress).