Reply To: What age did you know you were transgender?

[Jess Mor]

This is an old post and probably sure no one is going to read it. Me I knew before 5 I was a girl. I felt it, I knew it and I had no doubts. However, by 1972 all the girls my age and I decided to go to the pond to go swimming. I was the only one that did not look like the rest but it did not matter. We had fun just playing in the water and being ourselves then our parents showed up. Yep after that the beatings started I was going to learn how to be a man because I was different and I could not hang out with my friends anymore. I did not know what what was wrong but I was in trouble for it. I remember spending a lot of time getting reprogrammed to be the man everyone expected me to be. When I would not conform I was taken to a special site to be hypnotized and possibly an extended stay if I still thought I was a girl. It is amazing when you add pain to the learning process how fast you learn what to do and how to act and how to read others. Anyway, I did not do well in school I had no friends and I was afraid to hang with the girls. So the wonderful school system decided I needed to be under another microscope. I got tested through out the year and put in the hall while they talked with my parents. They could not understand why a person with a 160 IQ could not do good in school and why I had NO friends. Well the reprogramming started again lmao. I passed and moved on and in high school did not fit in there either. All my friends were girls and I identified with them and they accepted me. Well the high school beatings began by the boys in the school this time. I just got really mean and hateful and somewhat a legend in the worst way possible I returned the beatings but slightly more brutal and not on a 10 to 1 scale like they did to me but a 1 to 1 scale.  25 years later I was talking with my mother, dad and my mothers boyfriend. Odd but they all got along and we started talking about when I was growing up. It was the good times not the bad ones and there were some good ones. I mentioned the hospital room I was born in what I could see out the window. What the people were wearing and what they said. Where it was located and where you could see it from the road when passing. My mother mentioned how can you possibly remember this? My moms boyfriend started calling BS and my dad asked me pointed questions that I answered correctly. After proving that I did remember everything in detail they got quiet. However by this time I had a wife, son, career and a house so I was the man that I was expected to be. They were floored when I finally mentioned to them Yes, I am still a girl I have always been one. Fast forward again I have been married many years I have a son that is 27 and I am finally free to be me and my wife of 30 years is helping me be the woman I always was but could never be. I guess the point I am trying to make is knowing your gender is one thing being able to live it is another and NEVER give up trying to be the person that you know you are EVER.