Hello Bobbie,
I feel your pain. I am age 58. I have a wife too, although long distance relationship right now but I am taking care of my mom every day. My sister knows about me and is supportive.
From my experiences; counseling, support group therapy and personal life experiences, I know that I am dealing with a force that I am powerless force. Basically the arousal feeling is lust, or a dopamine rush and the feeling activates similar areas of the brain as does cocaine and heroine. The feelings a CD can get from arousal are very similar to what a sex addict experiences with sex addiction. Look up videos on sex addiction and you will find some amazing similarities, although crossdressing per say is not an addiction of any kind. The intensity comes from denial of the self, too many years in the closet which became internalized transphobia. Probably the only way to calm the feelings down and control the euphoria is probably going to be by gradually stepping out of the closet and get used to it.
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