Well, the first 24hrs of my journey has been very interesting.
Some kind ppl have offered me some interesting questions to ask myself. (you know who u r!! 😉 ) Possibly the most searching question was ’…. the question to ask yourself is do you want to be female do you want to be accepted by females or do you want to be accepted as a male who has certain female traits…’. Oof!! Had to sleep on that.
Woke up and thought, well, considering that there are periods of my life when I’ve accepted being cis gender, and that I haven’t lived day-to-day crawling with the feeling that I have a woman’s body trapped in a male body, I guess that kinda rules out ‘option 1’.
Would I like to be accepted by females? Sure. Absolutely, and have been for example when I was in ED treatment.
A male who has certain female traits? Ouch. This strikes me as being neither one thing nor the other, but still, has to be considered.
Ok. Has anything changed in my life to alter my perspective of myself. Yes. Lots. I’m freer atm than ever before.
If I went ‘further’ – perhaps into transition – how would that sit? Well, I’d *like* it in some respects, but there are several things I wouldn’t like, such as meds side effects, and also that friends/family wld give me grief.
So as I wander up and down the scale of possibilities, needless to say in creeps the self-doubting and ‘validation’ question. Shld I even be here on TGH which is targeted at Transgender – the actual and complete?
Then I try to see if I identify with any of the sub groups. The jury’s out on that one.
Anyway, as a little experiment, I’ve ordered a tank top off amazon. This is a ‘suck it and see’ exercise in ‘how do u feel now?’
ty to all who’ve helped and offered help.
I’m getting there – although I don’t know where there is yet.