- December 24, 2020 at 12:25 am #91851https://transgenderheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-b14-2.jpgAnonymousInactive
Joining the community has to have been the best decision i have ever made.
I can’t thank you enough for making me feel at home and part of the family.
Just wondering though how you managed to come out to your partner/family and what if any repercussions were there?
I ask because it is the one biggest fear i have and don’t know how to approach it.
- December 25, 2020 at 2:33 pm #91913
Coming out is never easy. Everybody’s situation is different. There is never any one way that anyone could recommend. A lot depends on your family and whether they are conservative or liberal in their thinking and if they have any friends or associates that are LGBT or trans.
But as DeeAnn said, the worst way to come out is for your family to find your stash of female clothing and they immediately question whether you are having an affair with another female.
- December 24, 2020 at 6:11 pm #91888DeeAnn HopingsAMBASSADOR
There’s no set way to have The Conversation as people are different, circumstances are different, age can come into play, etc. However, I think there are some basic thoughts to consider.
I am reminded of a quote by Rachel Maddow:
“The single best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you’ve just told them.”
This sums up one of the values of coming out. You’ve taken the high ground which is a very different proposition compared to being outed. It is very difficult to get in front of the story if you are outed. Your narrative is lost as someone else is telling your story; at least what they THINK your story is and it will likely tainted by their opinions and prejudices.
Publicly, I came out by making an appearance as the Mistress of Ceremonies of an event put on by my LGBT employee affinity group shortly before I retired. It was in front of ~130 people. In preparation, I had The Conversation with my grown children, 7 or 8 close friends and my then department manager (all separately). My point was that I wanted to explain MY situation rather than have people guessing. I have a pet saying: “In the absence of information, people tend to make up their own.”. Obviously when that happens, it is not a good thing.
I would advise being factual about where things sit for you. All of us have a history of how we got to this place, so it is a matter of explaining how you felt growing up and later. The thing is, if this topic had never come up before, people will likely have a different spin on events that you found to be very painful. Obviously, their thinking needs to be corrected.
I will also say that it is important to get through saying what you want to say before people ask questions. As this is a stressful situation, being interrupted with questions can break your train of thought.
I encourage you to put a fair amount of conscious thought into what you are going to say. I don’t think a script is a good thing, but notes that remind you of a given topic are; nothing complicated, probably just bullet points. That does two things. You’ve distilled what you want to say down to the important points and it will help to not leave anything out.
That brings me to my last point. People often say something about getting counseling. What they don’t know is that something that is an inherent part of us, such as our sexuality and gender identity, is not something that can be changed. There may be talk of conversion therapy. What people don’t realize is that conversion therapy doesn’t really do anything and is often harmful. In 2014 9 founders and/or leaders of conversion therapy organizations put out an open letter renouncing the practice. The article is here with links for the published letter:
Good Luck and let us know how things turned out. Whatever happens adds to the available knowledge here and may be useful for someone else…
- December 25, 2020 at 6:39 am #91906
- December 24, 2020 at 3:33 pm #91883https://transgenderheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-b14-2.jpgAnonymous
It is something i have been fighting with for a while and it seems even more poignant this year and especially at christmas which makes thinking about it even harder.
To tell my family i want to transition from male to female without hurting them is impossible and guess there is no way of saying it softly.
Going to see a therapist/counsellor is looking more and more the way to move forward because it gives extra and impartial eyes on a life changing event.
The fact i have made the decision was not difficult, coming publicly is going to be hard and i always knew that.
I will definitely take your excellent response onboard and i am sure it will help me connect the dots so to speak.
Many Many Thanks
Have a very Happy Christmas and lets all have a better year in 2021.
- December 24, 2020 at 3:32 pm #91882
Hello Georgie, welcome to this site. We have all been where you are before and not really knowing how to proceed. We all have a certain amount of fear when we start our transition because of the unknown. But we have all found that a lot of the fear is self inflicted.
The best thing to do is to take each step in the process as it comes up. The first step is going to be to get yourself an experienced gender therapist that can help guide you through the process. Most therapy occurs online due to Covid conditions and so that person could be anywhere. I also recommend getting into a local trans group and developing some local trans friends that are further along in their transition. They can definitely help you with knowing where the local resources are in your area.
And certainly getting in contact with some of the Transgender Heaven members that live in your area. Go to Social, Member Directory and search for your area.
2 users thanked author for this post.
- December 24, 2020 at 3:36 pm #91884https://transgenderheaven.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/woman-b14-2.jpgAnonymous
That is very sound advice and getting involved with a Therapist and local Trans group is a good way to start the next steps.
Thank You for your insight.
Happy Christmas x
- December 24, 2020 at 3:43 pm #91887
- December 24, 2020 at 10:54 am #91868Carly HollowayGOLD
Hi, Georgie. Great to meet you and welcome to Heaven. You ask a question that has more answers than members here. I’m not sure there is an ‘easy’ way to confide in our loved ones and friends. But it is still something to be faced when maaking our change.
When I made up my mind that it was time, I immediately scheduled sessions with a therapist, and I am glad I did. She has been there to ask me questions that are hard to ask myself, as well support me as I make each step along my way. I talked with her about each situation before I told somebody. This truly helped me lessen the worries, make a realistic plan and share victories and defeats.
I must admit, though, that it was much more difficult making my decision to embark on my adventure. Once committed, every next step was easier that I ever anticipated.
Again, welcome to the site, and I’m glad you are making yourself at home. I hope my response is helpful. Have a very Happy Christmas and may next year be your best ever.
Peace and love Carly
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.