When I first found the Crossdresser Heaven site three years ago, I could never have imagined the difference it would make in my life. I was the stereotype of the closeted crossdresser. I would hide in my room, never dreaming of risking anyone ever finding out about this part of me. Important as it was, there was no way I could imagine letting the world know that I was anything but a “normal guy.
I remember the fear as I signed up on the site-would I be laughed at? Would I be outed to the world? Was I the only one like me? This was the early days of the revamped site-as it changed from a personal blog site for Vanessa Law to a support site. When I first joined I was member 131, and I was scared to death. The chatroom didn’t exist yet, it was al articles, forums, and private messages. I remember my first forum post-one line-“Dipping my toes in the water-with pink nail polish”. Innocuous? Silly? Perhaps-but for someone who had never told a soul-other than my ex-wife who ultimately left me in no small part because of it-it was a HUGE leap of faith!
What made me willing to take that leap? In a word-friends! You see, almost immediately after I joined, there was someone who reached out to me with a hello and asked me how I was doing. What was this? Someone actually cared about how I was doing? The feeling was overwhelming, and I knew now that I WASN’T alone. There were others who felt like I did. We private messaged back and forth and that friend, the Managing Ambassador Emeritus Codille Benton became my BFF-well technically, my FF (‘cause her wife is her BFF). Later the chatroom allowed us to converse “realtime”, and she and I –along with several others from those early days became fast friends. In the years since, new folks have joined –both the site and my “inner circle”. And I have watched others come to CDH and grow in their journeys as well.
So now you’re wondering-Why is Cyn going on and on about CDH on THIS site? Well, you are in a similar position, here on Transgender Heaven (TGH). These are the founding days when the group is still small and intimate. Friendships will form and the people you start out with will be the ones you’ll likely stay closest to forever. So take the time to have those late night chats and messages. The mot work gets done NOT in crowded rooms with 20 people talking. Don’t get me wrong-those ARE great, but the REAL conversations that touch your soul are the ones between 2-5 people at one in the morning when we let out guard down and share our greatest triumphs and our setbacks, our greatest joys and our deepest fears; our tales of acceptance and our tales of rejection. Each of our journeys is the same, yet each are also unique as we figure out where our path is leading.
Some of us here have already fully transitioned; others are in the midst; some will have medical procedures done while others for various reasons will not; still others-and this is where I fit-are uncertain how they feel about their future. I know Cyn is more than just the clothes she wears, but I don’t know if she will ever be 100% of my life either. She is part of who I am-the question is how MUCH of me she is. That’s the question I’ll be exploring-both with my counselor and –I ope with many of YOU -my friends here on TGH. Regardless of where that path leads, I am forever thankful that Vanessa is moving forward with this new site as a sister site to CDH, and that she selected one of my dearest friends Jasmine Marie to be its managing ambassador.
I can’t wait to see where we go! Let’s make amazing memories together!
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