Im ella. I live in the philippines. My transgender journey started when i was 12 years old, however aroud the age of 3 my aunt knew i will be either a gay guy or a trans. During my first grade i always ask my self, why am i attracted to male classmate? Why is that i am happy being with girls and wants to look like them? I was really confused and dont know the answers or maybe i know the answers but i just dont want to acknowladge it because of my father. We are a very poor family. My father is just a jeepney (PUV) driver and my mom works in a department store. I am 3rd in 4 siblings. Our situation became harder when we all went to school and that forced my mom to leave us when i was in 3rd grade and work in other country in hopes to have a good life. At the age of 8 i knew i am different and i knew when i my father finds out who i really am he will beat the hell out of me for he doesnt like gays or trans. I lived in the closet for 5 years. I am the favorite child of my father i know that and everyone knows that. However my 2nd sibling is also a trans nd during our younger years she is more vocal and out which made my father really mad. I saw him beat my sister and how cruel my father was to her. She knows who i really am and she always tease me for not being out and she ridiculed me infront of our friends. I know how she feels about me being the favorite and she is jealous about it. But my breaking point was when she rediculed me so much and i also felt my situation wont get better if i will be in closet. So i wrote a letter to my father telling him i am who i am and hope he accept me then i run away. After few days i went to see my grandmom whom the one who really take care of us because my mom wasnt around. She cried and said come back and my father and her were searching for me. My heart melts and went back home. When i was 12 years old i started my transition. I save money from my daily allowance for school and buy hormones pills it wasnt regular for therr are time i dont have enough money to buy pills. Then i finished highschool. My parents cant put us to school anymore. All of us except my little sister didnt get to step in to collage or university. My mom and dad broke up already and my doesnt have a job and illegally staying in japan in hoe to find job. Our father left us and for my siblings sake they all went to live with my father. I was left to live with my grandmother. The reality of the world came to me a little too soon. I didnt finish any digree, companies that might hire a highschool graduate will only hire straight people, i dont have knowladge about cutting hair or make up in other word i am not qualify to be on a job where i can probably be hire like in a salon. I wonder what trans like me would do to live. I know trans here in the philippines. They work in japan as an entertainer and get rich sometime settle for with a men. But japan during that time closed its door for entertainers. Then a friend of mine introduce me to cyber sex. I was 18 and didnt know anything about it. I am a basic computer person then until now. But it was easy. You will talk to people masterbate and do what the view will want you to do. But it was tiring and really just not good money. I work like 12 or even more hours a day, lets say if i earn 50$ a week i will only get 40%. Out of it because our manager tales the 70%. Plus ita really dangerous for its illegal here in the philippines. A co worker introduce me to escorting. At first i was scared, super nervous and dont know what to do. Yes i am 18 but still dont know much about sex. Yes. In a country like ours is really nothing much to offer to trans people. Most of us do sex work one way or another. I am ashamed of it but i admit it. Survival is the key for me from then till now. Actually i am still a sex worker. There are sex worker that hates our job so much just like me who are taking drugs for them to have energy, if their clients wants them to, or they just hate it that they need to take it so they wont be bothered by the thoughts of having sex to a complete stranger. I am proud to say i am not into drugs and no intension to take. Its just not my thing. To wrap this topic. One way or another first world countries has more to offer than to us here. Maybe its easy for us to do the transition but its hard to us to live as a trans who lives in the society where not equal and a government who doesnt help us. I wish all of you to have a great life. And if you need or wants to ask anything feel free to ask.
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