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Narcissism is a very toxic condition, and leaves the victim feeling the blame in almost all situations. Your choice is to stay or leave. Staying will not change the narcissist. Leaving won’t either, except that you would be free from the toxicity in real time. I strongly suggest you seek help with a counselor/therapist with experience with TG and abuse backgrounds. The real damage is that during the relationship, we are “trained” to keep the toxicity going by ourselves by re-enacting the abuses. For example, ‘feeling like a fool” for the great insight of understanding the relationship. That is really what the narcissist wants; for you to be hooked into the scenario. A counselor will be a huge benefit for you.
I applaud you for your insight into the relationship, and remind you that you have made it this far. You have what it takes to finish the job. I’m sure other folks here will agree with me, that you have much warm support and welcome here with us. Satay beautifully strong, sweetie.
Peace and love Carly
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Thank you for your kind words hun. I don’t hear them very often. And thank you for replying to this post. Unfortunately, due to the pandemic the NHS is under massive strain on dealing with the pandemic and as a result ALL other services have taken a hit. I’m already seeking help but the wait that help is quite a long one (I’m looking at July the earliest).
I need to take action now, but how I do this I’m not too sure.
One advantage is that I’m living separately from my partner following a violent episode in Jan. So I’m halfway there I guess….It’s just the fear, obligation and guilt tactics she uses that’ll be my downfall if anything.
But, I am strong. And I will overcome this ❤
Amelia
Hi Amelia…
It’s a pleasure to meet you.
My dad is a narcissist. Have had to deal with it all my life. It was a rough childhood. Really messes up a young, insecure mind. 😢
My wife and I separated several years ago… I moved back into dad’s house for 5 years until they (mum and dad) decided to move into a seniors facility.
No word of a lie… he made ‘every day’ of that 5 years very dificult for me. I’m sure he woke each morning and said to himself… ‘How can I piss him (me) off today…’ he went out of his way, every day, to make my life miserable.
A very, very nasty man.
Gen ❤
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Hi Genevieve it’s nice to meet you to, and thank you for replying to this post.
I’m sorry to hear about what you went through growing up and when you moved back. It couldn’t have been easy for you. The source of my narcissism is from my partner. At first I thought she was just opinionated and liked things a certain way. That combined with her charm and charisma, I thought nothing of it and indulged her (big mistake).
Then when I came out to her 7 years ago I didn’t realise it at the time, but I literally handed her my greatest vulnerability on a plate which, unfortunately made it very easy for her to manipulate, control and ultimately break me down into nothing more than a shadow…I
Thank you for sharing your story *pink hugs* ❤
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Any kind of abuse, physical or psychological, should never happen, but it does. While distance does reduce toxicity, it doesn’t remove the emotional scars. What can stay is the belief that we are, in fact, mentally ill, incompetent, unintelligent, etc. In other words, it is possible to keep the lie in place well outside of the toxicity…
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Hi DeeAnn, thanks for your reply to this post.
Unfortunately I know all to well the negative impact that this has had on me over the years that I’ve enduring it. And you are absolutely right in saying that this will continue long after contact has been severed from my Narcissist.
My focus is on the healing process, slowly freeing myself from this person, and most importantly not giving her what she wants and playing her games.
Thank You again for your comment ❤
Amelia
It seems to me that you are headed in the right direction. I wish you well and hope for a good outcome. As trans people, I think we are well acquainted with the concept of Struggle. Even though most of us have not had the particular experience that you have described, we do understand pain and hard times. We are joined by that…
Amelia, I am sorry to hear you have been going through that. No one deserves an abusive relationship. I sure hope you can seek help, and do. Hugs, Michelle
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What would you like to know? I was in a relationship with a narcissist for 20+ years.
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Thank you for responding hun. My intention is obviously to leave this toxic environment I have been in for the last 11 years. But I guess what is really like to know is 1)how do break contact with this person when your lives are so intertwined ? and 2) how do you heal from this?
I have been manipulated for so long that even though facts and evidence are staring me in the face, I’m still questioning whether or not I’ve got it wrong because of the way things have played out previously i.e. Always being my fault, I’m to blame Wtf
thank you again for responding hun ❤
I’ll tell you up front, its not easy, if you fear her threats of possibly saying something to humiliate you in front of the world. Its a possibility you will have to accept and live on from there. Its scary, but you will survive. Are you to that piont yet?
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I do wish you best in what you plan to do. Whether you succeed or fail. Ill be around for you to chat with. I failed to follow through to many times to remember but eventually I found the strength to face the fears of the unanticipated and moved forward happier.
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Amelia, I must confess I do not, and I even had to look up what it was. And I’m still not sure I understand it. But anything with the word ‘Abuse’ in it gets my ears perked up. If this is happening to you, I would suggest seeking help as soon as you can. Abuse should never be tolerated, or allowed to fester. Michelle
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