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I would like to declare that I have an addiction to a certain fetish, the sissy fetish, that I have for a while now, only engaged in while under the influence of very unhealthy and dangerous substance known for the unconcontrollable sexual desires it can spawn in its users.
I have also this year came out as non-binary, specifically gender-queer and can declare as well that wearing female clothes during the day and out in public feels right and comfortable for me and carries very little connection to that fetish. However, it creates a large amount of anxiety and discomfort in other ways- I am very concerned of what people think. And the only times I can be somewhat relaxed in public is if I’m out with a friend and then I can focus on just my friend.
I recently considered starting hormones, but decided to take a couple large steps back as I deal with my substance abuse, which has pretty much called the shots and left me as demoralized, defeated, and hopeless as I have ever been, and I’ve been in some bad spots- for the same reasons.
I have allowed fear, shame, and self-pity to weaken my ability to both have long term recovery as well as explore, discover, and be who I really am, and whether that be in terms of sexuality or gender, or who I am internally and what I express externally.
I have a long way to go and I would like to apologize to the trans community on this site and outside for failing to come to terms with all of this in a way that is respectful and honors all groups and genders, especially those who show fearlessness everyday being who they are and are subject to abuse and discrimination for being that.
I pray that I may have some of the courage and resiliance that you have all showed and be able to demonstrate that as I continue forward.
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