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Okay, here is and interesting situation im looking for advice on.
I was anxious about harassment at work in regards to my sexual orientation (I work in the trades with the anti lgbtqia crowd) I opened my own business and started to explore myself without fear (cat calling guys, wearing women’s clothes, whatever) So, I find out through this freedom I’m a transgender woman! Great everything makes sense now. I move forward losing weight, hair removal, clothes etc. I feel great better than ever before. My family is learning who Astrid is I am pretty much a full time woman at home. I have a long term female partner and we have two children together. we have been friends for 11 year intimate for 6 years and broken up once in that period so as far as that goes the relationship will be there in some form and is evolving so that’s good too especially since she is allowing me to barrow her clothes while I’m getting smaller.
all my employees know and I even show up to interviews as a woman. Although they are having a hard time with the pronoun shift.
Here is the twist everything has come back full circle. I am in charge of sales and overseeing the jobs and am super anxious about going into strangers homes to estimate work out of fear of harassment or not getting the job or worse. I have a killer closing rate I get about 75 to 80% of contracts signed. That’s looking androgynous and probably closer to being confused as a very feminine gay man. To give you more background We do high end Painting, wallpaper, and house repair.
I’ve been having a hard time doing my work because I hate having to present myself as a man (15-20% of the time) but I’m afraid I’ll lose work or my business won’t do as well and I have a bunch of people relying on me now. I’m going from miserable, depressed, suicidal, numb, and anxious to running a good size business and being way more productive and happy so going forward is the only way
Do I one day just start answering the phone and showing up to people’s houses as Astrid? I’m worried I might not be passing enough. I’ve always had self image issues and even tho I do get favorable attention in grocery stores and out and about I feel a mental block keeping me from that final social transition with customers at work. I feel like what I look like is a factor in the sale which is what makes me anxious. That and transphobia.
<p style=”text-align: right;”>I am still really early in this too 1 year of socially transitioning and getting ready to have the I want more permanent change and hormones talk with my partner.</p>
just looking for any insight that anyone might have.
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