Anyone thought about our burials?

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    • #137289

      sorry, don’t mean to be morbid

      I had this idea years ago n still hang on to it, meeting with funeral director this week hopefully, to discuss.

      ok, right now, I’m not out, but I lead my life as missy 24/7, other than mom n 1 siblings.

      so I wondered, after we physically transition, long hair, long nails, breasts supplemented with implants, maybe bottom surgery..when we die, has anyone else wondered if they could make you look like your old self so mom can have an open casket?

      so I’m hoping for hormones soon, n plan on top n some sort of bottom surgery, but I wonder if I’d leave a request to have my hair cut n make me look male again, as a final tribute to mom..I never meant to hurt her in finding myself. shrugs

      any thoughts girls?

      am I insane or overthinking it? by then shell either hate me n not care or accept it?

      please, your thoughts dear friends. thank you

    • #137342
      Michelle Lawson

      Missy, actually, I have thought about it a few times. I guess if I pre-planned my funeral I could stipulate as much of the details as possible. I’d like to be buried as the person I am when I pass. Would others take issue with it; probably, but would I care at that point. To a certain degree the funeral is more about those still around remembering me in a way that makes them feel good. Because I sure won’t be there to mingle with them. Heck, I’ve even thought that I should be dressed leaving this world, the same way I was dressed when I got here. Now; that would be something. Good or bad, I will leave to the reader…. Michelle

      • #137344


        thank you. actually  I think your idea of bury the person I became makes more sense than me trying to transition, n then at death, ask the undertaker to hide it all. so daunting.

        thank you for your thoughts dear.

    • #137368

      Oooooh Morbid thoughts indeed Missy.  I say that life is too short to care about what happens when you are dead so I say live large now and don’t worry.   I’m on the functioning autism scale so while my wife forbids me to talk at a funeral, I get to gush here.  My wife and I have both planned on recycling any useable parts and the rest being cremated and having the ashes spread on our farm and part of mine also get dropped somewhere in Las Vegas (my favorite city).  So, there’s nothing to see or plant.  I live openly and authentically so most people who know me know what I look like.  With that in mind I have set up plans to have pics of me throughout my life.  I’ve had 3 NDE’s and after the last one I got serious about planning the rest of my life.  Since that time I have several large lavish fun parties each year and invite all the people that I think might actually visit me at the funeral home if I actually croaked.  I give these parties names like My Unbirthday, Solstice, New Years in July etc.)  I have a grand time and I think that the participants do too but I never tell them that these parties are my actual funeral.  It would weird a lot of people but at my real actual funeral I’ve left instructions that this be announced.  Also I want everyone to be told that I was thrilled to be among friends and family and enjoyed their company when I was alive.  My family all knows about this plan and they are sworn to secrecy until I go under the rainbow at which time they are to announce it with joy.  My funeral will be just like the parties with fresh Miller Lite tap beer, wine, pizza, and the best bakery desserts ever, with popular dance hits from our jukebox (60’s to 90’s) playing in the background.  No dullness is allowed at my funeral and it’s all been set up ahead of time.  My life has never been dull and my funeral shouldn’t be either.  Party on! (with no insult intended to those who prefer a more sombre farewell).  Marg

      • #137383


        you’d be surprised how often I’ve heard folks say, they have in the, no crying, party like we woukd have had I been there, smile with good stories n memories of laughter we shared. I like that idea..but I don’t think anyone will come to mine. oh well, more reason to have pre-planned n instructions to funeral director..maybe I wint pay for viewing services, why bother? shrugs.its ok, really.

        I like your party idea dear. thanks. be well.

      • #137406

        Marg, no party here. I want anyone that shows up to ball their eyes out til the next day, weeping and boo hooing, rolling on the ground in disbelief, the sadness taking them all to heights unknown to mankind. I want CNN there live watching my ashes blow across the lake with screams of sorrow carrying  the sounds of grief along side.

        ok, want I really want for people to come see me when I’m alive, and if they can’t, they can stay home when I’m dead.

      • #139131

        And now an addendum since I see that this thread has started up again.  While I don’t like the idea of taking up valuable earth space to be buried in and have already arranged for a cremation as indicated in the above post, I still am bothered by the amount of energy used to toast my final remains.  So, to that end I have been toying with the idea of using a giant solar mirror or lens to flare me into gases and ashes.  Perhaps macabre but I think that I would appreciate a rotisserie end to my mortal remains on a sunny morning in Las Vegas and perhaps prod the cremation industry into energy savings.  Additional savings might be gained if I was dried out (desiccated) ahead of time before the roast.  Viva Las Vegas or perhaps Leaveala Vegas.  lol,  Marg

    • #137381

      Both myself and my wife will be cremated and our ashes will be thrown in our own private lake behind our home.  Who I am when I go is of no concern to me, I’ll be dead. As for useful parts, ask yourself, what part of me would be worth anything?  I was at Woodstock in ‘ 69. Do you really think anything would be useful when I go? Think tie dyed.

      • #137382


        giggles, but it still sounds like a plan. I’m planning on being buried next to my wife, n probably not changing the stone for her sake. I doubt I have much recyclable parts either


    • #137390

      My funeral is already paid for and planned. My wife will be buried beside me in a country cemetery in the middle of “red neck” Texas. Our head stone will have my new name Gabriella Abigail nee Aaron Lee Everett and my wife’s full name.

    • #137399

      Record YOUR wishes for yourself. Whether you write them down, meet with a funeral director or at least tell your SO. Your wishes my change due to your transition and other friends/family knowledge of you, so updates may be needed.
      How you want to finally appear is important to CIS women too. What do you want to be wearing? What jewelry?
      Choices now make your funeral so much easier for your loved ones. Earlier thoughts and wishes are better and not put off until you’re older.

      P.S. You may indirectly indirectly find yourself in a hospital (emergency admit) and find difficulty getting treated/cared for as a woman unless you have your wishes documented/known too.

      • #137419


        1. very true. I have plot, open n close, n my dead name on stone next to my wife who’s there already. gulps.
        2. I was just thinking I’d plan n pay for so it would be done, but, what to wear? who woukd do this? I don’t think family will bother anymore, so its sort of me n the undertaker..that’s why I’m questioning paying for 2 days service as I did for her, because she had friends n I needed 2 days to adjust..but if nobody is comming, then it seems like wasted payment. shrugs
        3. maybe I should go do something for a bit
        4. thanks. hugs
    • #137410

      Funerals are for the living.  Let them grieve as they need to move on.  As for me, cremate me and spread me to the 4 winds from a West Virginia mountaintop.  My daughter knows this and has been my only familial supporter who will likely outlive me.

      • #137418

        miss Chloe,

        you may be right, but I’m not sure anyone will bother to come. as I transition I feel siblings n friends slipping away n I’m just a newbie on this path…by the time I get my implants I don’t see any of them still speaking with me…blind of makes changing the will a priority..spend it all or give it to someone who at least still talks to me

        oh well  hugs

    • #139070

      For those considering cremation please research Aquamation. It is a large tub of warm water with various non toxic chemicals that dissolve the flesh leaving only the bones. The water contains nutrients that you can use in your own garden. The bones are crushed and returned as “Ashes” to the family. The cost here was comparable to cremation but far less harmful to the environment. We opted for this process for my late spouse in 2020.

      As far as the “funeral” was concerned there wasn’t any but given this was the pandemic we opted for a Zoom “Life Celebration” instead. We played our favorite music, talked about the fun times together and a good friend sang a requiem. It felt like the right thing to do and neither my daughter nor I have any regrets. Some of the “ashes” were placed under tree roots and some were used to make jewelry. I have a pair of earrings and a dragonfly pendant.

      Something similar for myself but I doubt that there will be anywhere near the same number of people who would attend.

      Kind regards, Rowena 👩‍🦳

      PS Donating organs given the cancer and chemo wasn’t an option during the pandemic but if there is anything left of my body that is still functional they are welcome because I have no further use for it at that stage. 😉

    • #139085
      Liz K

      TBH I choose to ponder way more pleasant things. But since you asked, that’s a hard no. There’s no way I would want my final appearance to be altered in any way. To me, that would be a rejection of who I am. I’ll be authentic in life and in death. If someone has a problem with with my appearance, it’s their problem.

      For the cool people that truly love me, please throw a raucous bash in my memory!


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