As my name suggests I am unsure

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  • #109810
    Kitty Kat

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>For as long as I can remember I have wanted to play with dolls wear dresses but it was taboo for my generation. I just want to know how to know if I am supposed to be the opposite gender</p>

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    • #109878

      Hi Kitty , I’m Leslie  ,  back in 2016 i had the same questions , am i ? what do i do now  , how do i proceed to be my feme self . I decided to keep a journal , each day i would write my feelings down , how i felt about the trans feelings i was having . When i grew up there were no trans people just cross dressers and the news media made fun of them , embarrassing them as freaks . I was afraid to be labeled like this . I went a long time before i addressed my true feelings , much later in life . Now to present , i read my journal sometimes now and realize i needed to come out to at least myself to just admit who the  real me was , and by keeping my journal i was able to feel at ease . I highly encourage anyone who has doubts about your feelings or the consequences of being trans keep a journal , write down how you feel each day and your dressing activities , your inner feelings . No one need to see this but you and now as well as later it can inspire you . Good luck on this journey , the road isn’t easy but the end is worth the it . Leslie

    • #109863
      DeeAnn Hopings


      When we begin to think about our relationship to gender, it can be a very difficult matter to consider. It can be a very stressful thing to do. Our minds are tasked with keeping us safe and keeping our anxiety levels low. We resist change because change can bring about stress and anxiety. Therefore our minds will often tend to divert our attention away from what we really need to think about.

      This is demonstrated by how we may think up many things to do to avoid making a difficult decision or having to deal with a difficult person.

      Many here have had success in working with a therapist. What they will do is help you keep you focus on what you need to think about and the problems that ultimately need to get resolved. But, what they won’t do is figure out your course of action for you. However, there is one notable point: the therapist needs to have experience with gender issues. There are many good therapists out there, but not everyone has this focus.

      I encourage you to complete your Profile page. It helps other members understand what is going on for you. Eventually all threads will sink to the bottom of the pile, but your Profile page is always readily accessible if you want to update it.

      Also, if you would like to search for other members who are nearby, click on Social and then Member Directory.

    • #109818

      I don’t know if there is a way to be sure that you are transgender without a lot, and I do mean a great deal, of soul searching. Ask yourself, “Am I a man?” Think hard on this. If you can’t answer with a strong, “I am a man!” Then you might be transgender. Also, ask yourself, “Am I a woman?” If you can’t answer with a strong, “No!” then this is another indication that you might be transgender. Now, this is not all you need to do to be sure that you are transgender by any means. I know that when I asked myself these questions and other similar questions, I took years to be reasonably sure in my own mind that I was transgender, but don’t get me wrong. When I first sought out a psychiatrist, I was still asking these questions. Anyway, I know that this was not a simple answer to your question, but you need to know that it is never easy to ask these gender questions and and doing so is a very personal journey. And, if you feel the need to talk with someone about these issues, I would be happy to talk with you if you’d like.

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    • #109817
      Terri Anne

      Hi Kitty,

      Welcome to our wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.

      You can find much  knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Glad you found us,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

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    • #109812

      Hi Kitty Kat

      I would say Listen to your heart and feelings. I knew aged 5 that something wasn’t right, that I didn’t fit with the gender I was born in and didn’t want to accept the behaviours that were expected of me as “male”. At that age, I didn’t have the words to articulate how I felt but I knew I wanted to wear girl’s clothing, skirts and tights. I had no alternative but to put on my mum’s underwear and dresses. It made me feel good about myself, a comfort when I was upset (which was nearly all the time). My parents were apalled and I was punished for showing any kind of feminine behaviour.

      I felt forced to hide these feelings but they kept getting stronger; denying them came at a huge cost to my mental health until, in 2017, I just couldn’t keep them in anymore. I had hit rock bottom and couldn’t look after myself. Whilst recovering, I re-evaluated my life and decided to live the rest of my life how I wanted to, not to please others or how society expected. Transitioning was the best decision I could have made. My stress and anxiety levels are far lower now. I can dress how I want, in lingerie, stockings or tights, skirts and blouses. It all feels So Right. Like i’ve come home. Most people accept me as female, only my mum doesn’t.  I have made some wonderful friends, all girls together.


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      • #109816

        Yup ! You hit the nail right on the head , almost exactly like me , 5 years old , an unbelievable natural feeling of your soul born in the wrong physical body , a dirty trick of nature – I was born  in the late 50’s and grew up in the 60’s and I intuitively new that something was wrong , I’m sure my parents new something was going on but never talked about it  – I’d see girls at the swimming pool for example and it was more than a desire or want , it was my real gender WTF – it was a rarity if I ever got to see the bottom end equipment that was right for me – I loved arts and crafts , bright shiny colors , swimming , gymnastics ( not the hard to do muscle required gymnastics ) as a kid I knew not to make waves , stir the pot so I was forced to be a boy with a great deep dark secret – thinking about it now I started transitioning in 1981 , had a nervous breakdown , literally lost weight to a 148 lbs , basically I was dying inside parents obviously wanting me to be male and  get married , make babies for them so they got what they felt was there right as my parents , this never happened , finally at 61 long after my parents deaths I said to myself enough is enough and did everything legally and physically in 2019 – I’m not perfect mentally but I’m incredibly better off , I’m the real Transgender M to F McCoy with NO regrets – XO – Krystal

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