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<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi every one,</p>
I’ve been thinking lately about this. I don’t know if any of you has better tips on how to deal with dating. I am interested in finding someone to share my life with but I don’t know of safe spaces for doing it. When I opened a profile on a dating app even though I said it upfront that I was trans, I was called all sort of names and that I was trying to trick people. I got fed up with it and deleted my account. similar things happened on other apps I tried. Do you have any advice regarding websites/apps one can use to date safely? (I’m from Europe).Sara:
I will preface what I am going to say by disclosing that I am married and not looking for any other arrangements.
That said, many here have expressed similar issues with various dating sites. Sadly, there is very little in the way of checks, balances and filtering. What you see may be very different from what you get, vitriol notwithstanding, and that is a major issue. There is a quote by Rachel Maddow that relates to the BS that you have experienced: “The best thing about coming out of the closet is that nobody can insult you by telling you what you’ve just told them.”
You didn’t say whether you were looking to date men or women, but there are issues both ways. Often men who are looking to date trans women are looking for a purely sexual experience. Those who are AFAB seem to be put off by trans women, even those who have fully transitioned and pass. Many don’t see trans women as women, so there is no potential for chemistry. I guess the summary would be somewhere between a rock and a hard place.
One of the problems with dating sites is that there is very little room for people to be social on a very light and preliminary basis; sort of a pre-screening, if you will. The only thing that I would suggest would be to get involved in some volunteer activities where you may improve your chances of meeting people who are also socially progressive. Working with someone allows for some time to understand them better and also group activities may arise, such as going out for drinks or something to eat after meetings or activities. People need to understand that you are more than your gender identity…
This girl never leaves the house without a spare key, lipstick, and her S&W .40. Would hate to have to explain that whole mess, but if someone thinks I am going down easy as a hate crime victim…think again Honey🖕🏻Could happen walking in to Panera, but I’ll take my chances and meet you there if I don’t know you. Situational awareness is always important in today’s world💪🏻😉 As for dating sites, I do have a profile on AFF, guess more a hook-up site as opposed to a dating site, and am constantly amazed by the stuff people ask, or post as a pic that is supposed to attract the attention of someone…simply amazing. As a pan, gender is not important to me in regards as to whether a person is sexy or attractive and I have met a some fascinating people, including a few other girls, but only online. Only one other girl did I met in person for a drink. So far nothing more has come of it but you never know, and as I meet more trans girls I learn more about others, their stories, their struggles…there are some very confused people and it’s a little scary and disheartening. I have really tried to focus on keeping the sex out of it, just calmly, safely, discreetly being me…and most people on a hook-up site just want to hook up now. But, occasionally this girl does likes a little attention and it nice to know that options exist. I am convinced that most men cannot read, and am also amazed at how many “straight” men are fascinated by trans women, CDs, femboys, every letter of LBGTQ. And please folks, don’t ever call me a f*****g tranny! Does any of my rambling make sense?
Haley😘
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