Being older as a transgender/cross dresser?

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    • #137414

      <p style=”text-align: left;”>I am very impressed and love the fact to know of how many of us are older and coming out,It makes me feel more comfortable to know that I’m not alone, and that we would have more in common,I am new to this app,and feel very comfortable here, knowing that there are many of us thanks for all your advice.</p>

    • #137415

      Hello nice hearing from you.

      • Welcome.
      • I came out about 5 years at 71 and i have  never been  happier
      • It’s great to be finally out and enjoying my femininity that was hidden for so long
      • Enjoy
      • Your  never to  old  to come out.
      • Nice meeting
      • Welcome
      • #137422

        👍 I will be 59 young, and it sure is nice meeting you all, Thank for sharing and being you,

    • #137416

      Been almost 16 months for me, I will be 72 this month

    • #137427
      Dana Munson
      SILVER

      Hi! I turn 70 later this year. Began my transition middle of last year, after being pretty sure for decades that I was trans, and not one of your garden variety crossdressers. But life circumstances got in the way of a transition back then. Going for it now and have never been happier with life!

      • #137428

        Glad for you Dana,  enjoy

        Better late than ever

        I hated that I waited so long to come out

        Very nice meeting you

         

      • #137500

        Dana: We are right there with you. You are you and there is not another “Dana” God bless you in your journey.
        Gabby

        • #137579
          Dana Munson
          SILVER

          “Not another ‘Dana'”??   Hee hee, I actually know 2 other Dana’s . . . and one is a guy.  At least he was when I last saw him . . . 🙂

    • #137433

      Hello Darlene,

      Welcome to our TransGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Transgender Support Site. We are a wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.

      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
      Glad you are here. Looking forward to seeing you on the site.
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      ============ TGH MtF ChatRoom ============================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/

      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/

      • #139477
        Jolene
        FREE

        This has been a very interesting thread for me.  I’m new to the site also and I too, am now in my 60’s.  Although I have struggled with being transgender for most of my life, I have finally decided to see a therapist and figure out how I will proceed.  Personally, I first thought that it was too late in life and that I would continue living the way I am. However, something inside just finally broke out and I decided to make the journey into being content as the woman I have always felt to be inside.  I’m glad to know that I am not alone and more importantly I’m so glad for this site which brings people like me together. I look forward to making friends here too.  Hello to all!

    • #137452

      I guess at the age of 68 (I came out at age 65 with presenting and starting HRT and having vaginoplasty at 66 and joining TH at age 67) that I probably qualify as an “older” transgender. I don’t feel this old although I cannot participate in activities that require a lot of stamina, agility, or speed.

      • #137461

        Girl you are still young, You just Enjoy Life  at your pace, You have come a long way in your transition,Enjoy your journey,so proud of you,Thanks for being here,

        • #137498

          Darlene and Dawn:
          Thank you for the response to my post!
          Gabby

        • #137499

          Darlene: You are too sweet. I’m glad that there are many others like you that are traveling the same direction. Even though we probably will never meet, I know you are my sister by another mister.
          Gabby

    • #137460
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      My public coming out was October 10, 2015. Although I had attended various gatherings for crossdressers and transgender people for a year prior to that, the locations were 60 minutes and 90 minutes away. For October 10 I was 2 miles or less from my house and in front of about 130 people, some of whom were co-workers. I am 74 now and if the opportunity came again, I would do the same. However, I would never recommend what I did to someone else.

      Coming out is a very unique process and everyone has to figure out what’s appropriate for their own situation. This is not a One Size Fits All kind of process. We really have to understand our own goals, our own constraints and our own environment.

      There are no short cuts or substitutions.

      For me, yes, being older has some bearing on what I do. But, a major player in all of this is that I am retired. No worrying about performance reviews and promotions. As the late Rick Nelson sang in Garden Party:

      ”You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself.”

    • #137497
      Liz K
      UNITY

      FWIW, I don’t feel or act my age.  I’m 63.  I started transitioning 19+ months ago after decades of denying who I was.  Life has never been better.  You’re never too old!

      /EA

    • #137574

      I have said it MANY times here: I have learned so much from the incredibly insightful ladies here. Phyllis and Gabby said it so well!

      I’m just behind Gabby. Now 67, hormones started on my birthday at 65, picking my way through surgeries, a small town physician, and never more fulfilled in my life with a wife of 35 years (so, yes, a late bloomer).

      Love your life. Our days are limited and our lives precious.

      Dee

    • #137619

      <p style=”text-align: left;”>I have said for years that age is just a number for the government to keep track of you. Further, if you believe that you are getting older, you won’t be disappointed.</p>
      <p style=”text-align: left;”>Last month at our support group meeting we were discussing age and getting older. We went around guessing ages and some were somewhat easy to guess a close approximate age. I was pleased as punch that nobody even came close to guessing my age or even coming close. The oldest and closest guess I got was 58. I even gave them a clue saying I was retired. The other clue I gave was that I had been well out of the closet and a public speaker for Transgender issues at most of the colleges and universities here in Ontario for 25+ years.</p>
      Needless to say, they pretty near wet their panties when I told them I was 72. Even in a male mode without the advantage of wig and makeup, I don’t look close to my age most put me between 60 and 62 and most are surprised when I tell them I retired as a consulting engineer when I was 65.

      Many ask about my secret and my usual reply is confidence, knowledge, attitude, and good makeup. Even being out in public as long as I have, I still regret waiting as long as I did.

      I think the biggest challenge to overcome is fear and most if not all are totally without any real substance. I was once out shopping alone as a female in downtown Kingston Ontario when a group of five of my staff was walking directly in front of me. I immediately thought oh crap they have been working for me for six years sure as hell they are going to notice me. What do I do? Confidence must have kicked in as  I walked right through them without the tiniest recognition. Right then and there I recognized that if I could pass that test  I could pass anywhere and that has been the case for about 20 years beyond that incident. That also comes with a unique attitude even if I ever did get read, so it’s who I am and I am very proud of the fact.

      So to all you newbies out there let me just say that the very first time you are out and hear the sound of your heels on the sidewalk, you too will wonder just why you hid in the closet for so long.

      Michelle Renee

      St. Catharines, Ontario

       

      • #137637

        Thanks for sharing,just reading your story you can tell that you are very confident and inspiring, You bring us hope,Thank you,

      • #137823

        It’s kinda screwey with all this stuff… Our whole lives we nothing to do with “our balls” to be blunt.. but taking the first steps to embracing moving forward,the whole leaving the house dressed ironically… Lol takes balls to do.. just a funny irony

        • #138083

          Maybe that’s why women just wear leggings t shirt and flip flops anymore. No balls.

          • #138188

            Well no matter what my age I will never resort to flip-flops. They are the absolute worst thing to put on your feet. They were designed to wear when you come out of a public shower and at the beach on hot sand but every summer I see people wearing them all day out shopping etc. You can never heal the damage they do and when I see young children wearing them I feel like kicking their parents square in the ass.

            If I have faced any restriction at all as I mature, wearing 6″ heels all day is out of the question. At best you will find me wearing 3″ heels or wedge heels. I may still own a pair of 6″ stiletto heels but strictly in the bedroom. I would have to be dead before you pry a pair of 6″ Louboutin’s out of my cold hands.

    • #137869
      missyjo
      FREE

      Darlene

      welcome darling. as the wiser women have already told you  age is a stupid number n matters very little in matters like this. hell I gave missy a birthday to confirm that, turning back father time a few years when my heels click. giggles

      I’m new at presenting missy publically  a mere 7 or 8 months  but I agree…why did I wait so long? it’s scary yes, but most people especially women have been kind n accepting, well other than family.

      i wish I had let missy out years ago  but all the more reason to enjoy her now. I hope you have a fun journey sweetie. all your sisters n gfs here are rooting for you.

      welcome

      hugs

      missy

    • #137876

      “Ah but I was so much older then,  I’m younger than that now.”

      Sorry about the late reply Darlene but I just reread this posting and I couldn’t resist.  I think that Dylan and The Byrds got it right years ago and these are lyrics that still guide me.  You are only as old as you think you are.

      Party on!  Marg

      • #137961

        And Bob looks 180. Keith, 220, and Ozzie? Left the room 50 years ago.

    • #137877
      Lauren Mugnaia
      AMBASSADOR

      HEY GIRLS, SORRY FOR BEING LATE TO THIS PARTY!

      Not trying to brag, but I am told that I don’t look a day older than 60, so how old am I?  The old guy I was before I transitioned actually looked his age of 72. I’m told I must have stepped into a time machine or found the fountain of youth, as nobody believes I’m that old! My cardiologist says that by transitioning to live as a trans woman named Lauren, I’ve added another 15 years to my life! I am thrilled and will gladly take that and run with it  🙂

      Hugs girls,

      Ms. Lauren M

      • #137882

        Lauren, thank you for your story. I’m 68 and people are constantly telling me I look like I’m in my 50’s and a few have said 40’s. Sister, I’m right there with you.

      • #137962

        I had a similar experience with someone telling me that I was “aging backwards”. Closer to 71 than 70 but I have been told that I appear to be in my late 50’s. FTR I am hopeless at makeup and the most I ever wear is lipstick. My daughter said it best when she remarked that I might be “old” chronologically but I am not frail. My body moves differently now and I am much happier given that the dysmorphia is under control.

      • #138784

        Awesome point.  After a lifetime of work, decades of the daily grind, when i retired at 68 I too looked, and felt, my age, probably more.  Now, after becoming more feminine, embracing Jennifer more than my old self, I too look and feel younger.  People always mistake me for being in my 50’s.  Maybe it’s the way we take care of ourselves better, have more concern about our looks, or maybe it’s the increase of feminine hormones in our bodies, I don’t know.  But it sure is great.  Maybe we’ll even live longer, after all, women do live longer than men, but even if I don’t, it sure is nice feeling happier now than I ever had.  Maybe that’s it, the joy of finally, finally after all those years, being able to embrace our femininity, who we are, that makes us seem younger.

        Hugs,

        Jennifer

    • #137907
      missyjo
      FREE

      I read the nice way we all try to address each other, n it gives me hope society doesn’t need to be purged with another flood…no im not dangerous just a tad depressed this week…because outside of walls like these there is so so much hate..it boggles my little mind

      thank you girls.  for love, kindness  civility. caring without judging, listening. thank you all.

      hugs

      missy

      • #137915

        Your Welcome,We are all in the same situation,

      • #137960

        And if you look hard in the right places, there is also lots of love.  Keep in mind, bad news sells first so I just ignore it and dwell on the good stuff.

        • #137963

          Amen

        • #138002
          missyjo
          FREE

          jill..very, good advice. thank you

           

          ladies, inspiring to hear we need not be 19 to transition n enjoy, as many books n vids suggest closer to 20 leads to more happiness..and like you girls  I wondered when does it simply become too late n impractical..but thankfully it seems the answer is its never to late to seek happiness. thank you girls

           

          hugs to all

          missy

          • #138197
            Anonymous

            I’m 65 and transitioning, I think we always have to remember that these kids are young and act like thier respective ages, and we also have to consider the media is looking for shock value, and young trans kids will give it to the media in spades. At 65 I’m happy just being able to be myself after a lifetime of repression.

      • #138135

        Well, society may still need to be purged.  We just need a couple good wood workers to build us some boats XD.

        I’m also struggling with coming out as an older adult.  In a way, all the hate-mongering that’s going around wants me to come out more and shove it in their faces; but on the other hand, it has great potential to destroy my life.  My business, my family, and my friends all could disappear so easily; and then I would be left alone.  I don’t have much; but what little I have, I’m not sure I want to let go of so easily.  I live in fear; but is it fear or myself, or fear of others?

        Hope we can all find peace and happiness in our bodies, minds, and souls.  I believe we all need support from each other.

        • #138352
          Toni Floria
          HOSPITALITY CREW

          I totally agree with you it is super scary to come out. I’m going thru the same thing thanks for sharing your feelings

        • #138781

          The fear is real, and justified.  I think that’s why we’re seeing so many of us more mature transexuals and cross dressers coming out.  Our life changes, whatever it is, death, retirement, divorce, children all grown and gone, now allow us to shed those very real concerns.  While I dressed at home I always appeared “normal” in public.  work, business and political associates, friends and associates, even sometimes family, would have all be jeopardized.  We see it still going on to this very day in real life.  It’s changing, but we ain’t there yet.  I think the transexual community just has to come out and denounce these clowns who are giving us a bad image.  CIS women do not go dressing as nuns and performing lewd acts with a crucifix in public, they do not pole dance and commit lewd acts in front of young children, they do not expose and fondle their breasts on the White House lawn.  No they don’t, and neither do real transexuals who are striving to be female.  But that’s not what is being exposed to the public now, and it’s damaging to the rest, the majority of us.  These are not real transexuals, they’re male performers, dressing in overblown drag, living out their twisted fantasies.  If the trans community does not come forward and condemn this behavior, we will all pay with continued negative perceptions by the majority of the people.  The backlash has already started.  When you’re involving young children, it’s no longer funny, and in the long run a civilized society, naturally geared to protecting their children, will react, and not in a friendly accepting manner.  When I go out in public, I surely don’t want to be considered as one of “them” or as someone who condones their behavior.  I want to be considered as Jennifer, a woman, to be treated with the same respect as any other woman, not as a child “groomer”.    I’ve heard it.

          • #141199

            Thank you Jennifer for saying what so many of us are thinking.

      • #138144

        You are most welcome. Thanks for your kindness.

      • #138198
        DeeAnn Hopings
        AMBASSADOR

        One thing that I don’t think the general population understands is how small the transgender population really is, here in the US anyway. Here it is about 0.6% of the population. I would suspect that other places would be similar. Here 0.6% translates to about 2,000,000 out of 330,000,000. It is interesting to note that the number of intersex people in the US is about 1.6% or nearly 3 times the trans population.

        Just some perspective…

        • #138351
          Toni Floria
          HOSPITALITY CREW

          Always wondered about the number of like minded people like us thanks for the info. Take care.

        • #138758

          Something I’ve kind of discovered as I slowly became more feminine, especially being more conscious of how I move, talk and interact with my straight friends, is that there are so many people, particularly older men, who actually are cross dressers, deep in the closet cross dressers, even a couple of my straight manly men  friends who I had never suspected.   It seems, and we see it here, that there are a lot of men who, because of social pressures and the need to make a living, have spent their entire lives in the closet, afraid to reveal themselves, and are now only coming out in their later years when their  situation allows it, death of a spouse, divorce, retirement, whatever it is that has now set them free from the old social chains.  Since I live alone and have a fairly private place, and a solid rule that everything that is said or happens here stays here, many of my friends now are married cross dressers, still in the closet, afraid their wives or bosses or coworkers or friends ever find out.    So we can get together here, they bring their things, or some even keep clothes and accessories here, dress up, chat, have some crackers, cheese and wine, talk about our (gasp) feelings, spend some girl time together, and then they can change back and return to their ?normal? lives.  I guess the point is, I think that 0.6% is actually quite low, maybe the number who will actually admit how they feel, but I’d bet if we count those still hiding (and I definitely don’t blame them), those who would never admit to anyone, even their best friend,  that they enjoy dressing feminine, that number is at least triple that.  And we also seem to have lots of ?straight? males, and the number is growing, who, married or not, seek out the company of a cross dresser.  I have a few, very close, male friends who I see regularly, every couple weeks.  Married, mature, hard working career men, under lots of stress, who like to refer to me as their western geisha girl.  Because it’s not about sex, it’s about allowing them to unwind, talk about things they can’t talk to their wives about, relax for awhile.  It seems that your average wife now days just isn’t paying enough attention to their husbands, these men are not getting what they need from their socially acceptable relationships, and I think that transexuals, bridging the worlds, provide a valuable service to society by being there for these men.  I don;’t care how many books they might read, no woman can ever understand a man like a woman who was once a man.  I believe we are blessed, so few of us are able to experience this life from both the male and female perspectives, and I think both men and women are finally figuring this out.

          • #138762
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            The revision in the Williams Institute numbers now show .6% to 1.6%. I believe there are 2 groups by age as to how they have done the study: 13-18 and 18+. I’ll have to check the study as offhand I don’t know what changed. Methodology?

            But, remember that the study was to determine the number of  transgender people. It was not aimed at crossdressers.

          • #138777

            I’m sure that’s correct where they are not considering cross dressers, only actual people who have or are going thru transgender therapy.  But I don’t think I can really consider myself as transgender, I’ve never gone thru any type of therapy or HRT or surgery, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t if I had the resources.    I wonder, just how many of us plain old cross dressers are really transgender inside, or how many of what are considered “normal” are?   Tomboy girls, submissive boys, we’re only just learning what is actually going on inside those heads.  And I bet there would be a lot of surprised faces if it was actually revealed just how many “straight” men have a pair of panties hidden somewhere.  It would seem that “gender identity”  is more fluid than we imagine, not just male or female, but differing levels of each.  Some, like me, live across both worlds, after a lifetime of being a chameleon easily moving from one to the other, part time male, part time female.  What does that make me?    Do I really have to pick one from a selection of only 2?   From the people I’ve been meeting, outside the real transexuals (have had HRT and surgery) I’d say there are more in the middle, like me, gender fluid, who are not counted.   Since we’re female deep inside, and enjoy being one, I guess we could be considered Trans fluid.   I never put too much credibility into surveys and studies, they always tell the story of who is running them, who is paying for them, the methodology, the way they frame questions, and the actual honesty of those who respond.  I think there’s more of us than they care to imagine, I discover more every week, right here in the deep south.  Humans are complicated, I think too complicated to throw into just 2 genetic buckets.  Humans like to categorize, everything has to be one way or another, but in reality very few seem to actually be what society likes to consider normal, most of us are shades of grey.  We’ve just learned to hide it, have for centuries, but it’s always there.

            Hugs,

            Jennifer

          • #138835
            MarthaG
            FREE

            Hi Jennifer, Im new here and still finding my way around TGH….I was pleased to find your postings asI also identify as gender fluid. Might I add you as a friend? Martha G

          • #138957

            Yes indeed MarthaG.

          • #138764

            Hi Jennifer and DeeAnn,

            Gallup LBGT Identification by Generation

            https://news.gallup.com/poll/389792/lgbt-identification-ticks-up.aspx

            The chart above demonstrates how openness about being TG/CD has evolved by generation.

            More than one in five of GenZ recognize and acknowledge who they are as opposed to my generation where is in now 1 in 40 (2.6%) as opposed to one 1 in 50 (2%) back in 2020.

            Given the timing I probably fall into the 0.6% increase myself! 😂

            We are still a minority but at least the demographics are headed in the right direction.

            Kind regards, Rowena 👩‍🦳

          • #138776

            It looks like we baby boomers still have a long way to go, but moving in a positive direction.   Life was more rural in our younger days, lots more traditional and restrictive as we grew up, like for those of us who grew up in small back woods mountain mining towns.   We had to learn to hide our true selves, it was dangerous not to.  For most of us, that lifetime of social programming is impossible to overcome.  Only that inner craving, when the situation allows it to grow and it becomes strong enough, will drive us out of hiding.  Times have sure changed in the last decade, I think we can thank the internet for that.  We wouldn’t be here without it.  It’s not the number or percentage of us that I really care about, I’ve never been accused of being “normal” anyway.  All I want is that we don’t have to hide, to be ashamed, to just be able to live our lives just like anyone else.  That shouldn’t be too much to ask.  Unfortunately, now we have a small minority of us who are acting too far outside what is considered socially acceptable, and it’s impacting perceptions of all of us.

          • #138790

            Amen Jennifer. Well said.

          • #139493
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            Consider the ages. My generation is now into retirement. There are fewer constraints. We are not worried about the next promotion or funding college tuition. The fact the we have fewer legal protections has less impact. We just are not haunted by the things that used to haunt us.

          • #139641

            So true.  It seems that, not only for me but for many, retirement is much more than the freedom of time, but the freedom from the restraints having to please others in the workforce.   We no longer have to care what others think, they can no longer financially harm us, and socially we’re building a new world of friends.  Finally FREE, and it’s wonderful.

            Hugs,

            Jennifer

             

          • #139471
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            No, I think the mindset was always there, but more people are either admitting it or understand things better. The thing is, we don’t “become”. We already “are”. Nothing happens to us beyond actually realizing who we are. Same goes for gay and lesbian folks. The notion that we become is not logical, but it satisfies the prejudices that people have. If it did happen that we become, then conversion therapy would work; only it doesn’t.

          • #139491

            You’re so correct, we don’t “become” we already “are”.  At our core anyway.  But that’s a matter of perspective.  I’ve heard it from both of the men I know who have lost their families for “becoming” a cross dresser.  I realize it, as probably all of US do, but to others, people who have know us forever, wives, they don’t know us in that way.  Wives say “You’re not the man I married”, not realizing that yes, he is, the man you married was a lie, and has been for your entire married lives.  We’ve all done it, at least the more mature of us here, lived a lie, creating a life image so we could fit in with the acceptable social norms.  In that case, we do become someone else, that someone who we present full time to the rest of the world.  To them, that is the REAL us.  Many, if not most of us, still do to this day.  So when we reveal who we feel we really are, it’s a major change, a shock, to everyone else, we’ve changed, we’ve become someone else, someone they thought they knew but now find they don’t.  I think sometimes we forget the impact this may have on those who know us, we focus on our own trauma,   forgetting about that woman who has been living, sleeping with us for decades, the man she married, suddenly wanting to wear her panty hose.  This is not what she knows, we have become something else, to them.  We’re only  “are” to ourselves, to everyone else, it’s the grand illusion, we are who we want them to see.    As we grow, adapt, change, although our core “are” remains, we become something different to the world outside our own brains.   We are chameleons.

            Hugs,

            Jennifer

             

          • #139492
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            We have to remember that all this starts from the belief that everyone is born to be heterosexual and cisgender. The problem is that when people believe that we Become, it leads them to the erroneous belief that we can be Fixed by conversion therapy. They don’t understand, or refuse to believe, that it is a dead end street.

          • #138767

            I totally agree,❤️🌹

          • #138768

            Jennifer R. I totally agree.❤️🌹

          • #139433
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            Jennifer:

            For the data I’ve seen, crossdressers are not specifically part of the dataset. The question that the Williams Institute offered was about how many identified as transgender. While crossdressers are considered to be under the umbrella term of transgender, I think the vast majority for crossdressers do not see themselves in this way. Everything that I’ve seen indicates that the vast majority of crossdressers see themselves as heterosexual and cisgender.

    • #138149
      missyjo
      FREE

      I see the love n tenderness we exchange here  n it feeds my soul..lifts my heart from the sadder thoughts of being hated, despised n believing the names my “we’ll always be there for you no matter what” family says n impies, freak, monster  trash unworthy of God’s love or another human…

      here I almost feel good again, like just a girl trying to get along n enjoy à few smiles along the way

      thank you girls

      hugs

      • #138153

        Never alone when you are on this site.  Lost of lovely people here

        Hugs

    • #138350
      Toni Floria
      HOSPITALITY CREW

      Thank you I feel the same as an older “gal”. It’s so nice to find like minded people

    • #138370

      [postquote quote=137414]
      I’ve done limited cross dressing for many years in the privacy of our own home and y wife and i were comfortable with that.  I lost her to pancreatic cancer at 68 after 50 years together, it took a while to re-orientate to a new, different life, but then the female side really started to take over me.  Now, at 75, I have quite a collection of clothes, too much if that’s possible, I’m out of closet space to keep it all, and shoes, my goodness, and spend the majority of my time as Jennifer.  I’m still working on getting the makeup thing down, the looser skin around the eyes and not so steady hands any more are a challenge for sure.  I’d guess my main thing right now is trying to control the facial stubble that can be felt already after just 3-4 hours.  The rest of my body is under control, smooth and hairless, it’s just the face (figures) that seems to be impossible to control.  I’ve even tried a laser thing which has had no effect, it seems some things we just have to deal with.   It’s never too late ladies, even at 75 I’ve met other mature cross dressers to get together with, and yes, even a few men.  It’s a great and fun journey, I love being Jennifer.  Do I wish I had gotten started earlier, definitely, but, times were quite different years ago, especially here in the deep south, and we all have to make a living and survive, so we continue to live in the shadows.  But now, being retired and alone, I can tell them all to screw off, I’m here now, and loving it.

      Hugs,

      Jennifer

       

      • #138730

        Hi Jennifer.

        I enjoyed reading this post.  It’s very similar to my story except I am 5 years older than you.

        My wife of 57 years died in Oct 2021, and by Jan 2022 my fem persona Bobbie was demanding her time in my life.  She wasn’t a complete surprise as I had been a lingerie CD from about age 10, and my wife’s acceptance of my daily nylon panty and nightgown had tempered my feminine urges.

        As Bobbie, I’ve lost about 80 pounds, regularly wax to remove all body hair, and acquired all the trappings of woman of today needs.  My lingerie collection was never going to be a problem.  As I lost weight I went through a number outerwear purges replacing my tent sizes with clothes that fit.  Shoes, other than skimpy flats, were a big problem because I need a size 14.  I own 3 wigs, all a gray/black blend of different lengths.

        Like you, I fight the beard problem.  Though mine is white, it’s still pretty heavy.  I fight the make up issue also, and I’m additionally handicapped by being blind in one eye.  I just try to appear as a confident, mature woman – nothing flashy or trashy – and I’m getting along well.

        I envy you and your get togethers.  I’ve met with a few of us and I thought a friendship was developing, only to have them disappear without a farewell.  So life is pretty lonely.

        I do dress and go out in public as Bobbie for shopping, hair cuts, manicures, etc. but I need to be somewhat constrained because my son and his family live a few miles away.  I haven’t come out to my kids yet.  For that reason, I do need to retain some aspect of my male persona.

        I usually spend a couple of the winter months in Florida, and that’s where Bobbie really enjoys her life.

        Jennifer, I hope you continue to find joy in this life.

        Bobbie

         

    • #138588

      Older? Here? Never! What was the question again?

    • #138759

      I’ve read all the responses to this thread to date and here is a thought to all us older women, no matter how or where you present. It’s not so much about how you look; it’s about how you act. The more confidence you display, the more easily you are accepted (or ignored in a good way). At 80, I may be the elder stateswoman here, and I’m only 18 months into womanhood. I dress smartly for my age, with a wig, minimal makeup, and age appropriate clothes. I’m often out in public and I’ve yet to experience any negative reaction to being a woman. So, no matter if you are still in the closet or not, even if you are just in front of a mirror, present yourself as a confident woman ready to face the world. Over time, it will help you to open that closet door to show the world the woman you really are.

      • #138774

        Indeed.   It’s just that first time.  For the past few years, since my wife’s passing, I’ve dressed almost every day, every evening after my shower for sure, but I never left the property.  I have a relatively private place where people can meet so always had guests come here.  But on a CD meeting site a man just 30 miles north of here kept contacting me for a date, said he wanted to take me out to eat.  Fear held me back for months, I wanted to, after all, what was I really practicing putting on makeup and dressing nice for anyway, but all those fears, anxiety from a lifetime of social programming, kept holding me back.  I don’t think I’m ugly, but I don’t consider myself passable either. Then one day I accepted, dressed conservatively but nicely, did my best with my makeup, and actually left the house.  Actually drove there, in the daylight, and know what, nothing happened.  Nobody noticed, or if they did they didn’t care.  When I got there we went out to a Mexican restaurant, I was so scared I couldn’t get out of the car, but he came around, opened the door like I was a lady, took my hand, and led me inside.   At first the greeter looked a little surprised but was courteous, treated me like I was a woman, led us to a table, but in the middle of the room.  I was so nervous, I just knew everyone had to be staring, but they weren’t, they just went on having their dinner, like everything was normal, the fears were all in my own head.   It was a little strange, it seemed everyone had to come talk, the waiter, the chef, the manager, asking if everything was all right, meal good, all the normal stuff, but I think they just wanted to see also.  But it was pleasant, I was careful to behave as feminine as I could, sit properly, it all began to feel so normal.  We chatted, got to know each other some, ate, I almost forgot I was dressed, (but always had to keep in mind I did have a skirt on and had to sit lady like), my first date, my first time out.   When we left and got back into the car, I can’t explain the feeling.    Giddy might be a good work.  Relieved, ecstatic, happy, shocked, such emotions, maybe they were actually feminine emotions, like nothing I had felt before.  I slid over and sat right next to him, holding his hand all the way back.  I guess, I hope anyway, I’ll always remember my first time.  It’s exactly like you say, present yourself as a confident woman, act like a real woman, not like some made up bimbo clown acting out some male fantasy, and no one cares, people will treat you no worse, maybe even a little better, than they treat anyone else.  We’re slaves to our own fears, shackled by the social programming we were brought up under, living in fear of people discovering who we really are inside, and it’s a damn shame.  It’s just finally forcing ourselves to get out, overcoming the fear is truly liberating, and for me anyway, a major step in accepting myself as Jennifer.

        Hugs,

        Jennifer

        • #138780

          Sounds very romantic with your date ,He sounds very nice,Thanks for sharing,❤️🌹

      • #138787
        DeeAnn Hopings
        AMBASSADOR

        Yes, if we don’t believe ourselves, who else is going to believe us?

        It is really not unlike acting. People will not believe a performance if the actor doesn’t have a sense of the character they are portraying and is able to bring that forward. It just won’t work.

        Further, if we are not comfortable with ourselves, it gives others a reason to scrutinize us closer. That is the last thing that we want.

    • #138770

      [quote quote=138758]I don;’t care how many books they might read, no woman can ever understand a man like a woman who was once a man.  I believe we are blessed, so few of us are able to experience this life from both the male and female perspectives,[/quote]

      You are correct, Jennifer, cis women struggle to understand cis men and vice versa. I was at a BBQ and the host couple had been arguing prior to the arrival of the guests. While sitting there I could see that he did not have a clue what she was upset about and she was mentally rolling her eyes at his being so clueless. (He was treating her like she was his personal servant!)

      Perhaps transpeople should go into couples counseling. 😇

    • #139428

      This seems like a very good place for me to chime in. I’m a new member. I’m 63 and still mostly closeted. However, I just started HRT 2 months ago, so I may come bursting out of the closet at some point soon. Lol. I’ve known since an early age that there was something inside me that was different and inconsist with my gender at birth. It’s nice to find a place to share thoughts and feel save and not judged.

      • #139429

        Tracy, thanks for your reply you will find out here you are never alone and you will be surprised. How many are just like us. It’s amazing.,It absolutely feels great, and I believe I made lots of friends here and making more

        , sometimes I wish they were a lot closer than what they are most everybody is from out of other states, sometimes it be really nice to meet them in person, whether male or female, just knowing that we all have the same passion and secrets, you don’t have to hide anymore, at least to us,❤️🌹

        • #139444

          Thank you Darlene. I appreciate it. It is a lonely journey for sure. I live in Iowa and have never met another girl like us in person. Would be interested to see if there are any in my area.

      • #139469

        Hey, Tracy.

        I am delighted for you (and all others on this thread) beginning your HRT journey. I’m 67, on HRT for 19 months. I look forward every single day to every pill I take. My testosterone is now undetectable. My estrogen brain is so much different than my testosterone fueled brain. And I love the right/real me. What makes us “senior” adults different from the younger TG’s and gender uncertains, is that we are clear about our gender identity and choices. I can’t wait until we hear about your “bursting out”!

      • #139558

        I totally agree and can also relate with what y0u are saying, Tracy.  I’m afraid to go out in person dressed the way I’d like to be but it would be nice to get to know other people that have grown up the same way as I have and feel comfortable the way we are and just talk about how we felt as kids and how we are now.  That would be a huge deal for me anyway. I’ve been so secretive about it for all my life it feels like.

        • #139643

          I would venture to guess that most of us feel the same way, and getting together to chat with each other helps.  It’s hard, very hard, to actually get people together these days, but I do have a nice, private type place and occasionally am able to get a few of us together on an afternoon.  We dress, have a little wine and crackers, model our clothes, share hints, help with make up, and talk about our journeys.  It’s actually quite amazing, or startling maybe, that with there being so many of us, we’ve had to travel our journeys alone, in secret, carrying our inner selves like a burden, ashamed, embarrassed, hiding.  I’d also guess that most of us have never had any type of counseling or therapy about it either, I’m not even sure there was anything for this “disorder” way back a half century ago.  Thank goodness for the internet, at least now, out here in the netherworld, we’ve been able to meet and talk.  For most, it’s probably the first time we’ve ever, ever, discussed these feelings we have with anyone, not even our families, closest friends, or wives.  Isn’t that something?

          Hugs,

          Jennifer

           

      • #139561

        Love it

    • #139438

      This has been such an interesting thread.   I think I qualify as older …now having entered my 8th decade.

      For most of that life…at least the first 45 years, I suppose I saw myself as a fetish dresser because that seemed/felt more acceptable and less risky than understanding my deeper needs and motivations.   I even came out to the woman who would become my second wife on the basis that it was a kink.  Deep down I may have known better, but I still feared coming to terms with the idea of being transgender,.

      Well, we all know the story.  It wasn’t long before wearing stockings and panties were not enough.  Like many of us, I felt a growing curiosity and growing interest in dressing fully as a woman, something I feared as the proverbial slippery slope.

      Turns out, it was indeed slippery.  At around 50 years of age, and within weeks of privately trying on a few of my wife’s things that were forgiving in size, I found myself deeply interested in exploring how to dress and present myself persuasively as a woman, and I began, finally to understand myself as transgender.  All that came before began to make sense.

      When I was in my 20’s I had once donned a wig that belonged to my first wife.  I glimpsed in the mirror and saw a disturbingly feminine reflection…something I wanted to be but deeply feared.   30 years later, I remember looking into the mirror again, this time dressed in clothes I had purchased for myself, outfitted with a wig and breast forms, and reasnably well done makeup.   My thought then was an enthusiastic “I can do this!”

      Perhaps aging frees us from the hormonal drives that seem to muddle gender identity with sexual identity.   At least for me, I began to experience a purely non-sexual satisfaction from being able to experience life as a woman.  Now, 20 years later, though I still maintain a male facade when necessary, I find I am much happier living  life as a woman.   Despite occasional moments of self doubt, I really never want to go back to a purely male existence.

      • #139488

        That’s a beautiful story Kim.  I haven’t made 8 decades yet, but I’m right behind you.  What a journey it’s been, how everything has changed since we were children.  I was just reminiscing with a couple friends yesterday, I can remember, back in a little coal mining town in the Appalachians, before we had running water in the house.   From a 7 house party phone line to the computers we carry around in our pocket today.  And, from having to hide our true natures, the person we always felt we were, from the entire world, our families, friends, coworkers, worst of all from ourselves.  Living lives of, as Pink Floyd says, “quiet desperation” , fear of being discovered, ashamed of how we felt.  Many of us are only now, after so much of our lives have gone by, beginning to realize ourselves, able to enjoy who we are with others who are just like us.  Even with the social changes we’re seeing happening, we can be sure there are many, probably tens of thousands if not more, who are still having to live those lives.  It’s still dangerous , I personally know 2 men, in their 50s, who decided to risk it and reveal their desires to cross dress to their wives.  Ex wives now.  Not everyone is understanding, much less supportive.  I’m pretty much “out” most everyone knows, but in most cases it’s just one of those “don’t ask, don’t tell” type things.  I don’t flaunt it, they don’t ask.  But I do so love to dress, and then I hate to go back to being male, so it has happened that I forgot to take off my eye makeup one time, and recently I forgot to remove my nail polish.   Maybe I just don’t care any more either.  I keep asking myself why, at this stage in my life, I even care what other people, especially strangers, think of me, but that lifetime of programming, going so far back, the living dual lives, seems to be almost impossible to overcome completely.  I’m working on it.  One day, we’ll all be free to be who we are meant to be.

        Hugs,

        Jennifer

         

        • #139527

          Jennifer, I sometimes ask myself the same questions. I suppose its hard to completely disregard decades of indoctrination and deeply instilled apprehensions.

          One of the benefits of living 100+ miles from immediate family is that any visits come with ample notice, and as a fairly recent resident in this resort community, I am relatively anonymous. I can be and do what I choose without much reason for concern.

          They say it gets better, and I think that is true!

          • #139642

            Oh yes, I agree, distance helps.  I live in the southeast, family lives in the northeast, over 600 miles away.  My daughter and her family live in CA, so there are never, ever any surprise visits.  But as you can imagine, since my daughter has been over there on the other side for a few decades, especially the San Diego area nothing like crossdressing surprises her any more, and well, crap, nobody, even her, has ever considered me as “normal” anyway.  I even got a pin button from my coworkers once that says “Not Normal”.  Long ago, it bothered me a little, but never much. But now, thanks to places like this, I can accept myself more, because I can see that Hey, know what, I’m not abnormal anyway. Here we all are, and this is just a tiny tip of the iceberg, going on about our lives just like anyone else, working our jobs, paying our bills, raising our families, contributing to society, why, we’re just like everyone else who calls themselves “normal”.   So I might be a little “strange” to some, my friends don’t care, I’m what I am, and I’m liking myself more and more all the time.  Thanks to places like this.

            Hugs,

            Jennifer

             

      • #139557

        You’re a great writer, Kim.  I still don’t like to wear wigs but I am attracted to wearing a bra with forms, comfy panties, a pretty necklace, bracelets and some rings.  I’d like to have long painted nails in white or a pretty pastel color but I couldn’t go out having that sadly.

    • #139625

      [quote quote=139471]No, I think the mindset was always there, but more people are either admitting it or understand things better. The thing is, we don’t “become”. We already “are”. Nothing happens to us beyond actually realizing who we are. Same goes for gay and lesbian folks. The notion that we become is not logical, but it satisfies the prejudices that people have. If it did happen that we become, then conversion therapy would work; only if doesn’t.[/quote]

      Yes, we are born transgender and learn how to mask the aspect of ourselves that does not conform to the heteronorms of society as it evolved to profit from placing males and females in separate boxes. The downside is that those of us AMAB were forced to suppress our emotions because men are not supposed to be emotional. This suppression has had a negative impact on both individuals and society as a whole. Violence is glorified and normalized while being a caring and compassionate man is deemed to be weak and effeminate.

      As we age we come to appreciate that spending our lives repressing who we are inside has resulted in us being less than we could have been had we been allowed to be ourselves. A lifetime of pretending to be who we are not is a heavy burden to bear. Yet so many of us fear the scorn and ridicule that we will face if we show our true selves in public. I know because I too was afraid. Weirdly enough my first outing wearing a dress was not planned, it happened because I was too grief stricken to realize that I had gone to see my therapist without first changing into my male clothes. Nothing untoward occurred, no one even gave me a 2nd glance. That was the revelation I needed, as long as I don’t draw attention to myself no one else cares what I am wearing.

      My SIL recently revealed that he is trans and I would never have guessed even though I have known him for almost half a century. My own older sister who has known me my entire life said she would never have guessed that I was trans either. So we hide in plain sight and I suspect that some of those who are anti-trans are afraid that their own trans personas will be exposed once society eventually accepts us for who we really are. Their fear is based upon the hatred they see being directed towards the entire LBGTQ community. It would not surprise me if we have all experienced some form of that fear in our lives.

      Jennifer is right that we need to enable the rest of society to see us as “normal” just as it did when same-sex marriage was normalized. The societal attitude towards gay-marriage changed in less than 2 decades from a majority being opposed in the 1990’s to a majority supporting it after the turn of the century. We can repeat that change by just being ourselves and enabling the rest of society to realize that we are not a threat to them and their lives.

      Kind regards, Rowena 👩‍🦳

      • #139646

        I’ve often wondered also, how many men out there are homophobic not because of who or what they’re seeing but because they’re afraid of what they see in themselves.  It’s amazing how fear is used to govern and control us in almost every aspect of our lives.  It’s the fear that initially puts us into hiding, and it keeps us there.  But as has been mentioned here at times, when we can finally break thru, and it’s not easy, fear being one of the most powerful basic instincts, we find that it’s no longer as bad as it once was.  Now, it seems, “All we have to fear is fear itself” is more true than ever.

        Hugs,

        Jennifer

         

      • #139659
        DeeAnn Hopings
        AMBASSADOR

        Rowena:

        What was reiterated in your last paragraph from Jennifer’s message is precisely why I do what I do. Until the end of last month, I held offices in 5 organizations. I didn’t seek a 2nd term on our Public Arts Commission, where I have been Chair for the past 2 years, because I wanted to do some different things. Currently I’m in training to be a docent at the Palm Springs Air Museum and I am also a grant application reviewer for the California Arts Council. Other current involvements are Vice-Chair of one of our Democratic clubs, a Volunteer Coordinator for Palm Springs Pride, Community Liaison Officer for my car club and a Board Member for the LGBTQ Community Center of the Desert. In the past, I was a Board Member for a local transgender organization and was Digital Media Coordinator for our local HRC group.

        After I retired, what I realized is the trans people are grossly underrepresented in civic and charitable organizations. One major reason for that is that so many trans people are really just hanging on, if that. As of a few years ago, the unemployment rate for trans people was 4 times the national rate. I would doubt if that has changed much in current times. Folks have no time, money and energy left over. It is analogous to the old “barefoot and pregnant” saying. Effectively it is others deciding our fate and activities. I am fortunate in that my situation is different. I had my career and now I’m retired. Clearly we are not wealthy, but we’re OK. So, it is important to me to be out in the world and be seen doing the things that anyone else would do. I am also involved with 2 other groups where I hold no office: a local women’s group, Your Women’s Circle, and the Society of Automotive Historians, Motorsports Section. In all of my involvements, DeeAnn is the person of record. Very few know that Don exists/existed.

        I think the overarching thought is this. Given these unprecedented times where the LGBT community is under massive and relentless attack, it is incumbent on all of us that we participate and contribute in any way that we can.

        I am reminded of this written by Pastor Martin Niemoller about the events leading up to WW2. It is something that we all must keep in mind:

        First they came for the communists and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.

        Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.

        Then they came for the Jews and I did not speak out because I was not a Jew.

        Finally, they came for me and there was no one left to speak out.

        • #141235
          Elli Snow
          SILVER

          I have been doing volunteer work all my life.  Transitioning did not affect my willingness to do volunteer work.  I’ve never had an issue with anyone, and if you ask a me a question regarding my transition that is a legitimate request for understanding, I have no problem answering any question to the best of my ability.  However any question of a purient interest, I will probably say some rather unpleasant things about your interest.

          I volunteer because I enjoy it.  Representing doesn’t enter into it, but I am very aware that I am a representative of my minoity group, and I think I have done a good job of clearing up some people’s misunderstandings or incorrect assumptions.

    • #139661
      Elli Snow
      SILVER

      I don’t know how old you are, but I’m 70 and came out about 3 years ago after spending about 15 years in the closet. I used to feel old and out of place until I met some women in other forums that were 5 to 15 years older than me, and most of them also came out very late in life. It was just one more bit of support that helped me know I wasn’t alone.

    • #141228
      Charlene K
      BRONZE

      This has been an encouraging thread. I won’t say I read all the replies, though over a few more sittings I may.  I am 68 AMAB and have been aware since I was 5 that I wanted (at that time) to be a girl. The desire has never left though I  have tried so many ways to “shake it off.”

      However, with time, contemplation, and finally resignation I now accept that I am trans and that I want to be a woman because I am one. Like some have mentioned previously; we don’t become women, rather we already are. Now I have no desire to “shake it off”. No, now my desire is to be, not it, but me, Charlene, the demure, kind, compassionate and attractive woman I know that I am.

      As a born again I Christian my beliefs and understandings of the Scriptures moderate my actions. Yet as I grow older I wonder if I can continue to “hold out.” I am a woman. I want to live as one. I have no interest in being loose morally. But neither do I want to stay closeted.

      It is do refreshing to find a group of like minded woman, who simply want to present as the age appropriate women we are.

      I do hope that one day soon I can step out of my closet and begin relating to others and be related to as Charlene, the woman I know myself to be.

      Thank you all for being here to support me in my continued journey toward living authentically.

      Kindly,

      Charlene

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