Being Scared

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  • #123029
    Abby Scott
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Awhile back I was out in a nice dress, makeup, some wedges and wide-brimmed hat somewhere where I won’t be recognized. I’d been doing stuff and now I was driving killing some time. I was a little unfamiliar with stretches of this area so I was looking for a gas station. I wanted to get a soda and a chocolate bar. That was it. Good on gas.  Hadn’t drank anything since the last bathroom break. As I began to turn in I noticed a couple of guys near the door. They were dressed like the kind of guys you wouldn’t want to run into alone in a dark alley – tough guys. They had that don’t mess with me look. Now I think you shouldn’t judge people on such stuff. Except when you should. They may well have been nice guys. I have friends that look like them. But these guys were not my friends. And there wasn’t a lot of other activity around the gas station. Now if I was in my guy clothes I would have pulled up, gone in and out and not thought much about it. But I never stopped the car, never finished the turn. Just kept going. I tried to get myself to go in but I was so scared at the prospect. If I went in and they figured I’m a guy – which was pretty likely – then who are they, what would they do? Let me pass through or decide that I needed a beat down. I can hear people right now saying I’m being silly. But if it happened again I still wouldn’t stop the car. As I talked to my counselor and talked about how that felt and how disempowering she said that’s the way women feel in those situations. You have to constantly be aware of your surroundings. I didn’t like it but as I said, I was afraid of the prospect. Any others? 🙆‍♀️</p>

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    • #123715

      Abby,Please do not be too hard on yourself,you have just been introduced to your inner self.You appraised the situation, your inner self alerted you to a possible danger and you acted correctly.We must always be self aware and cautious,whether in female or male mode.Dont worry about it girl,you did ok.Christmas hugs,Michelle.

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      • #123717

        Thanks Michelle. It just takes some getting used to. A wonderful Christmas to you! 🎄🤗🙆‍♀️

    • #123711

      Funny you should bring this up . This morning i was waiting on a FED X order and when it came i waited till the person drove off . So i stepped out on the porch to pick it up and there stood the driver handing me another package . Well , i was still in my night gown and i just smiled and said thank you and stepped backed in the house . Two drivers , he said your welcome mam , have a nice day and left .I had on lipstick and was in fem , i liked that . Leslie

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    • #123066
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      While we must all be aware of the dangers of being female, we must also be aware of the additional layer of being trans women…

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    • #123047

      Yes Abby, I know what you mean. Passing as a women can take only a few months but knowing how to act and deal with men is a lifetimes work.
      I had a group of younger men surround me in my favourite bar, they had been drinking and wanted to be friendly and get too close! The look in their eyes was something I have never seen in a man’s face before. Primal, lustful and determined…it is scary! I don’t have a lifetime of experience to call on. I tried my best to defuse them…but that look!
      In the end they settled for selfies with me…they liked that. While they looked at the photos I finished my drink and left. It’s good to be scared Abby…it’s your friend sometimes x

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      • #123056

        Thank you Alex. It’s hard. I’m not used to feeling scared in such a situation. I’m a strong enough guy but I felt like I would have had no strength at all to defend myself – none. I had visions of them throwing me to the ground like a rag doll. Or taking me out back …. And down the road as I thought about it I was going through periods of being angry at myself for behaving and feeling that way. It makes no sense to me really.

        • #123057

          I would say, don’t judge yourself so harshly, your apprehension is natural. Safety is big concern, as it is for all women. We don’t walk into confrontation, whether real or imagined. I think you did the right thing…that’s my opinion. Be safe before anything else, there’s always another Gas Station X

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    • #123042
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Abby:

      While I don’t remember not doing something, I definitely agree that it is a very different thought process as a function of gender presentation. When I am dressed, which is probably 98% of the time, after I close my car door the next action is locking them. Due to some health issues, I have a blue parking pass. That allows me to park closer to buildings and not out in the middle of a large parking lot at night (daytime also as stuff can happen in broad daylight!). I guess the moral to the story is to listen to our instincts…

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    • #123034
      Brielle
      SILVER

      We do need to be more careful – even if those guys didn’t “clock” you they might have harrassed you otherwise. It’s all part of being a more vulnurable femme person, I guess. Decades back, 99% of the time, the men would be polite and hold the door for you. I think you did the right thing, GF!

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      • #123035

        Thanks Brielle. It was so scary. I’ve felt scared before as a man but this was a different kind of scared. I realized later that when  I chose to where my dresses and so on I was giving away some of my freedom. I had to become so much more alert. It is sad because I know the freedom in these situations that comes with being a man. I’ll never be able to look at things quite the same again. 😕. Thanks for your response. It is so good. Really just what I needed to hear. 💕

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        • #123038
          Brielle
          SILVER

          It’s strange, but the first couple of times I’ve gone out, I somehow instinctively was more aware and had my keys at the ready as I left the place where I was hanging out to go to my car parked on the street. And it was in sight of the door in a well-trafficked and (relatively) safe area.

          I didn’t have to think about it, it just sort of kicked in. When I dress and go out, I actually have a shift in mind-state, it feels like. Everything goes into girl-mode. I drive more sanely, er cautiously (giggle), and look around me before entering or exiting my car, etc. I walk, stand, sit as a female without having to remind myself things like posture, thighs together, loose shoulders.

          I have no idea how I’ll respond in a situation like you had, but unless I’m about to have an “accident” I’m going on the next place!

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          • #123039

            I get the girl mode part. I do get more cautious. Don’t know why I never thought of the keys. Great little weapon for one and I don’t know how often I’ve told my wife, girls and other women I know. Next time. True about posture. I always love smoothing my dress out over my knee and lap. I definitely feel quite girly at such moments and I love that. I just love that I discovered who I am. I love being a woman. Even shaving!

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        • #123036

          Misspelling- wear not where! 🙆‍♀️

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