Besides Physical and Emotional Transition, there is Social Transition…

[DeeAnn Hopings]

As we know, in general society, women function very differently from men. The innate and learned behaviors represent 2 very different bodies of knowledge. Women tend to be more conciliatory and deferential, compared to men. Male privilege is not involved. Women tend to engage more with other people. They tend to smile more. I think, in general, there is more openness. It isn’t that men can’t or won’t do these things, but it tends to go against what society, parents, teachers, etc. teach and expect.

Now before folks who were AMAB say that there were always female in nature and never thought of themselves as male, consider this. In spite of how you felt, the world around you left those male-oriented thoughts and expectations. Regardless of how you considered it or value it, this is information that you have. The flip side is that there were no mothers, grandmothers, aunts and older female siblings that taught and coached you regarding feminine deportment.

The point is that in our journey, there are things that we need to learn and unlearn. This is the 3rd leg that gives stability to the seat…

[𝓜𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝓒𝓁ℴℯ́ 💋💋]

There is so much to learn and unlearn that it can easily overwhelm.  Pace yourself has been my guiding principle to try and remain at peace with myself.  We’re trying to stay stable on that third leg, conduct a public life all while trying to transform it, no easy feat.  So be kind to ourselves when the voice doesn’t fit, the clothes don’t match, the cooking was horrible or some plans didn’t work out.  Work in progress!

[DeeAnn Hopings]

For those of us who identify as lesbian, there seems to be this thought that we must extinguish the process of male privilege immediately. However, this is a very difficult thing as I suspect that many trans women don’t even know that they are subject to this. In many ways privilege operates on a very subconscious level. Hard to dismantle something that you don’t know exists. I can understand why this is upsetting to those AFAB as it rubs up against the concept of feminism, but the expectation that trans women can just “fix it” quickly is inappropriate.

[DeeAnn Hopings]

There is a lot of impatience in the world. Regardless of whether we transition at 20, 40 or beyond, we have spent considerable time in the gender we were assigned at birth. This covers A LOT of ground: how we interact with others, how assertive we are, how we position ourselves physically with respect to another person, our speech and many other points of behavior. Just because you can throw on some clothes and makeup and look halfway decent doesn’t mean that we’ve come to grips with how women function in society. It’s a matter of first understanding those differences and then adjusting our behavior accordingly. Behavioral changes are not easy, but unfortunately it seems that folks don’t put much effort in that or consider it an important part of transition.

 

For me, this year has definitely been a year of change. I have been adopted, for the want of another term, by the lesbian community here in my area. I didn’t set out to do this; it just happened. One thing led to another and another…

I got invited to a group called the Women’s Circle. It is a group of lesbian small business owners. While I am retired and not a business owner, I’m one of several who have had careers in business and industry. Back at the beginning of October there was a series of events under the title of Palm Springs Women’s Week. I attended a number of the events and I was also asked to participate in a panel discussion. I was pleased that it was well-received by the audience. I am also part of a weekly women’s chat group. Lately I’ve been asked to join a small group of women that goes to the movies once a week. It’s too early to be sure, but perhaps the Universe is trying to help me find my Tribe. To be clear, I think we can have multiple Tribes as we are multi-faceted beings.

Anyway, something occurred to me early on. All of these new activities presented opportunities to learn about appropriate behaviors. My personality tends to bounce between Introvert and Extrovert. This has been confirmed whenever I take the Myers-Briggs Personality Indicator test. Anyway, sometimes I can talk a fair amount and dominate a conversation. As a result, I’ve been more circumspect about how much I talk. Also, not being AFAB, there are some topics that I will not touch in order to be not thought of as a know-it-all male.

Whenever I speak about something that has a deep personal meaning for me, my speech becomes hesitating, uneven and the tone changes. In male mode, I would have tried to prevent or hide this. Now I am much more likely to continue saying what I need to say and not be concerned about what my emotions reveal. This is a reaction to the expectations of males in society. These kinds of emotions are not appreciated.

 

Anyway, this is how things sit at the moment, but it is definitely a work in progress…

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